THINGS I'VE LEARNED SO FAR

Six weeks of Christmas vacation provides one with a lot of things. Netflix binges (as previously stated), extra pounds, and a whole lot of thinking. Thinking about lots of things. But in particular, how weird this stage of my life is. I'm not a kid, but I'm not really an adult. I have responsibilities, but I don't get much credit for them. I'm in love, but people say I'm too young to know that. And life right now is so incredibly uncertain. I feel like I can't plan for anything. All I can plan for is that eventually, sometime in the quickly approaching future, I will be graduating. And then after that? What do I want to do? I don't like deciding what to make for dinner, let alone where I go from here

I'm reading a book right now called The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. It's basically about why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them. It got me thinking (I told you....a LOT of thinking...) about all of the things that I have learned. So as a reminder to myself, I present you with:

1. Even if you tend to be a people pleaser, there are times where you can (and should) say no. 
2. If you don't feel like going out on a Saturday night, don't. Just because you feel like you should doesn't mean you want to. Know the difference. Wanting to watch a movie and get a full 8 hours of sleep doesn't make you a loser. Do what you want to do. 
3. Come to think of it, let's expand on this one. It's important to learn what you like and what you don't like. You might dedicate a good portion of your life to listening to a certain band. Or convincing yourself that you really do like sushi. But there's a very good chance that you might wake up one day and realize that your beloved band sucks (Jonas Brothers, it was a sad, sad realization). And sushi sucks even more. And maybe you like Star Trek. And that nerdy guy with the beard working at the grocery store? You think he's kind of hot. The "cool" things aren't always good, and the "weird" things aren't always bad. Be your own self. Make up your own mind. Life will be a lot easier.
4. When it comes to friends, it's quality over quantity. Unless you're looking to start a flash mob. Then you better get meetin people. 
5. If you're sad, let yourself feel it. Same goes for every emotion. I used to beat myself up if I felt sad or angry about something stupid. Blamed it on PMS or being tired, or whatever current ailment happened to be. But why? If you're feeling something, that's how you feel. Just let it happen.
6. Do the stupid shit. I mean, stay safe. But usually the "stupid shit" makes for the best memories...and stories. 
7. When you get a weird vibe from a potential/current beau, run far. And fast. Learn to trust your gut. Did you hear that, every girl on reality television EVER?
8. On the other hand, when you get a "good, really awesome, constant-butterflies-in-your-stomach" kind of vibe, go with it. Don't let your mind get in the way. You might get hurt, but then again you might not. Give it a shot. 
9. Your parents are usually right. But sometimes they're not. They aren't perfect (sorry, Mom). They're learning just like you are. They don't get a magical book with all of the answers when they have their first kid, they figure it out on the way. They might screw up sometimes, but don't fault them for that. They're trying their best to love you and help you. Sometimes the things they think are the best aren't the best for YOU. So ease up on them. And help them help you.
10. Life isn't a damn fashion show. Want to wear sweatpants to the movies? Do it. Don't feel like wearing makeup? Don't. You don't have to be "on" all the time. Although, it's usually when you're "off" that you run into that one girl from high school...

I wanted some other input, so I asked my best friend Rose if there was something that used to matter to her but didn't anymore. Her answer? "Brand name purses". And there ya have it, ladies and gents. 

SPECIES EXTINCT

Remember how cool mixed CDs were? There was so much meaning behind them. You knew how much your friend loved you based on the frequency of CDs you received, the number of songs on it, and the effort put into the decorating of the blank disc. You also had to make your own mixes with all of your sweet iTunes purchases. I remember the night before I went to get my driver's license, I spent hours perfecting the perfect "First CD of my Driving Career". I must have jinxed myself, because I failed the test the first time. But it went to great use about four days later when I finally received that beloved piece of plastic.

But the absolute best was when you got a mixed CD from a love interest. 15-20 romantic songs from their heart? And you undoubtedly pretended they wrote the lyrics themselves with you in mind, because they might as well have. There was just nothing better.

Sadly, these glorious things have become obsolete. The best you get these days is a playlist on Spotify, and that just seems sort of creepy. I thought about what five songs I would put on CDs for my people if it were still acceptable to give these out. Here's what I've got:

My BFF Rose:
1. That's Some Dream- Good Old War
2.  My Best Friend- Kate York
3. Golden Love- Midnight Youth
4. You Know Me- Air Traffic Controller
5. While The World Let Go- A Rocket To The Moon

David:
1. Something I Need- OneRepublic
2. Can't Help Falling in Love- Ingrid Michaelson
3. I'm Glad There is You- Jamie Cullum
4. No Matter Where You Are- Us
5. Til Kingdom Come- Coldplay

Momma & Poppa & Brotha
1. Father and Daughter- Paul Simon
2. Lullaby- Dixie Chicks
3. Best Day- Taylor Swift (so cheesy, but I had to)
4. Days Like This- Van Morrison
5. Fix You- Coldplay

WHY OH WHY did these things have to go extinct?

GIVE THANKS

Happy Thanksgiving! It's always seemed funny that we have one specific day where we are mandated to be thankful for stuff. Shouldn't we keep in mind what we're thankful for all the time? Except we don't. Myself included. It's so easy to forget how much we have that's good. So of course, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for having a a family that I want to come home to, spend time with, laugh with and love.

For my goofy ass David. My love.

For the amount of love I get from my friends.

For my health, and my family and friends' health.

For my doggy, who let me snuggle with her for hours yesterday. Probably didn't hurt that I was scratching her tummy. She sure didn't get the shit end of the stick there.

For my education.

For having a job where I get to make a difference to people. And coworkers that make the day fun....and help me fix the copier when it's broken (usually a user error...).

For getting to take a nap in front of my fireplace yesterday.

For the police who came so quickly when someone broke into my apartment the other day. I may have to retract my previous statement on hating cops. Maybe they don't suck.

For Netflix (although they took away seasons 1-8 of Law and Order: SVU. Don't think I haven't sent in a complaint.)

AHHH, FALL

If my last post didn't give it away, October is my favorite month. Hands down, without a doubt. The whole month is just cozy. It's cool, but it's not cold. The leaves are the most gorgeous color, scarves become necessary, warm sweaters are acceptable, there's football to look forward to on Sundays, holding on to a cup of hot coffee warms up your hands (I hope you aren't shocked that I threw a coffee reference in there), and pumpkin everything is back. What's not to love?

Another thing that makes October my favorite is that it's breast cancer awareness month. This didn't used to mean a whole lot more to me than pink was all over the place. But after my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010, it suddenly meant a whole lot more than that. She had a lumpectomy and underwent chemotherapy, but it was caught early enough. But this month always reminds me that it could have ended much differently. When she went in for her annual mammogram, her nurse thought maybe she felt something. The doctor was very confident that it wasn't anything, but the nurse was persistent that my mom have an MRI. An MRI is a pretty extensive precaution for a "maybe it's there, maybe it's not" lump. But the MRI showed that it was there. If it had been ignored, who knows how things could have been different.

Unfortunately, my story of my mom being diagnosed with breast cancer before the age of 50 with two kids under the age of 18 is not uncommon. 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their life. The American Cancer society estimates that that 232,240 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed in women by the end of 2013. Of those cases, 39,620 women will die. Crazy, isn't it? I feel like it's about time we find a cure for this damn thing. And by we, I am not including myself. God knows science and I are mortal enemies, so I will not be any help. But I'm really just hoping that we are getting closer and closer to finding a way to stop this disease. She's a real bitch. 

I CAN'T EVEN

I'd like to consider myself a fairly nice person; everyday I strive for kindness. But no matter how hard I try, there are just some things that drive me absolutely nuts. Some of them, rightfully so; others for no reason at all. While I was at the gym this afternoon, numbers one and two took place right in front of my very eyeballs. It got me thinking about other things that make my blood boil. So here is a thoughtfully compiled list of my pet peeves. If any of the following apply to you, please don't take it personally. I'm sure you're great people, despite the flaws...

1. Girls who wear skanky clothes to the gym. Girls who wear skanky clothes anywhere, really. How is that even comfortable? YOU'VE GOT A ROCKIN BOD. WE GET IT. There is zero need to broadcast an already blatant fact by wearing a sports bra and skimpy spandex while you are barely moving on the treadmill. You make other girls feel really shitty about themselves. So thanks for that. (Only exception: Halloween)

While we're on the gym topic...

2. People who watch other people workout. Why are you concerned with how many calories I'm burning on my elliptical? Keep your judgey eyes away from me and on your own damn machine! My 5.5 mph pace on my treadmill works just fine for my abnormally short legs, thank you.

3. Tourists. I feel bad admitting this one, because it's kind of mean. But I'm sure my fellow city folk can feel me on this one. I understand that you don't know where you're going, you're not on any time frame, and you're busy looking around at your cool surroundings. But I do, I am, and I'm not. When I am running late for class and desperately need to get on the L and fast, please please PLEASE don't stand around gawking at things on the platform. I feel guilty saying this bothers me, because it's kind of like the "freshman effect". We've all been there, we know how it feels to be that confused, excited person; yet when it's not us, we are the first ones to get annoyed. So I should probably work on this one.

4. Joan Rivers on E!'s Fashion Police. She's a big mean bully and her jokes are terrible. She makes me more angry than she should. I think it's because I would really like the show if she had no part in it. Giuliana Rancic is my girl.

5. Cops. I know, I know, this is un-American and wrong on several levels. But they just rub me the wrong way. Granted, there have been a few times that cops really saved the day for me. But what drives me nuts is how hypocritical they are! Going 80 mph to catch up to a guy going 65 and give him a ticket? How in the world does that make any sense. They just seem like creepy little sneaks to me. Plus all the guys I've ever known who are working towards becoming cops have very questionable morals, at best. I guess I'm a little biased.

6. When people don't like my favorite shows, movies, music, etc. Just why? I feel like I have to stand up for whatever it is that I love and sell the shit out of it. "But that ENDING!" Great example: Rose and I recently had a disagreement about "The Place Beyond the Pines" with Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper. First of all, yummy. How can you go wrong with the two best looking males known to womenkind? Secondly, the story line was absolutely phenomenal. The twists, the way the stories of the two characters intertwined, I died. One of my favorite movies of all time, by far. And Rose HATED it. More accurately, she loathed and detested it. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely got angry with her. I was so pissed that she couldn't see how fan-fricken-tastic it was. I got over it quickly, but still. The rage was undoubtedly there.

7. Bullying. Not only is this one of my biggest pet peeves, but I just cannot wrap my head around it. I don't think I ever will, either; I'm not holding my breath. There is NO excuse for it. None. There just isn't. It's cruel and life changing. It is crazy to me what parents allow their children to get away with. Now I'm not a parent, and I don't claim to know how to be one. But there are some things that are just common sense to me. On one of my last quick trips back home, I saw a bumper sticker that said "My kid beats up your honor student". And we wonder where bullying starts. Kids imitate what they see and hear from their parents. I think a lot of times kids don't realize how much damage the things they say and do have on their peers. So many kids are afraid to go to school today because they are afraid they're going to get hurt, laughed at, hear rumors about themselves, the list goes on. It hurts my heart more than anything else in this world.

8. Seeing couples on their phones at dinner. Why?! Who could you possibly be texting for an hour + that is that critically important? Is checking your Facebook or Twitter or Instagram totally necessary at this exact moment? Enjoy the time you have with your significant other! That's why you're dating them. If you can't stand to sit, look at them and have a conversation for an hour and a half, then you probably have some things to re-evalute.

Okay. I think I got it all off my chest. Who am I kidding, that's not even close to all. But it's all I've got for now.

WEIRD...

This is just sort of an add-on to my last post. A plus one, if you will. I was walking to work yesterday with my headphones in, trying to jam my way awake at 7:45 AM. As I was starting to become semi-conscious, the song "Love Away" by Capital Cities started playing. Instead of just letting it be background music like I tend to do, something made me listen to the words. I quickly realized how relevant it was to my last post. It sums up everything I was trying to say, except with a catchy tune. So I thought I'd pass it along! Click on the link below :)

"Love Away"-Capital Cities

SURROUNDINGS

The other night, in a post-workout exhaustion, my roommate and I were lying dead on the couch flipping channels. We stumbled across the premiere of Lindsay Lohan's interview with Oprah as the opening credits were rolling (don't you love when that happens?) Now I'm not even going to begin to discuss the incredibly phenomenal job Lindsay's PR person is doing, because I could go on for hours. But seriously though! It takes a serious miracle worker to begin pulling Lindsay out of that immense pile of shit she's buried herself in. Yet within days of getting out of rehab for the FOURTH time, she's appearing on the Chelsea Handler show and sitting down with Oprah for a one-on-one interview. She's getting some love, friendship, and understanding from the queen of comedy and the queen of....well....the world. If that's not miracle working, I'm not sure what is. Okay, I'll stop geeking out. Lindsay Lohan, unfortunately, isn't even the topic of this post.

Right after Cate and I subconsciously decided we would be spending the rest of the night glued to Oprah's marathon of interviews (please hesitate before you judge me), Carrie Underwood's interview came on. I just love her, but who doesn't? She showed Oprah around her GORGEOUS rustic house right outside of Nashville, as I was drooling of envy the whole time. Although you might not be able to guess this just after my admission of my Oprah-overload, I really am not a fan of hers. She is just way too much person for me and she always seems to bring every interview question back to herself. However. She asked Carrie a question that sort of impressed me, although maybe it was just Carrie's answer that made the difference. Either way. She asked, "What word or virtue best describes what matters most to you?" (Well played, Oprah.) The way Carrie answered was just so simplistic and spot on. After pausing for just a beat, she responded, "Love. If you love somebody, if you love people, if you love your surroundings, everything else, all that other stuff will happen naturally. If you love somebody you're going to be honest with them. If you respect and love your surroundings, you're going to treat them right. It's all about loving people and just openness and acceptance and love".

GOD, AS IF SHE COULDN'T GET ANY COOLER. Is this not an awesome way to think, or what? And when you think about it in terms of your own life, chances are it's dead on. It's so logical that you think it almost goes without saying, but then she says it and a light bulb goes off. If you love your house, you're going to keep it clean. If you love the park you run through every night, you're going to hold on to that empty water bottle until you find a recycling bin instead of tossing it on the ground. If you love your significant other, or friend, or family member, you are going to treat them with respect. You will be honest and open, and make them a priority. And if there is not love, well....then you don't. It's as simple as that. If you love it, you will treat it well. Even on a greater scale. Think about how much of a difference it makes when you love the people you work with, or you love your professor, or you love that coffee shop you're sitting in while doing that work you've been dreading doing all week? Things are just better; your outlook is brighter. Things seem doable, maybe even pleasant. But if your office is dingy and drafty with horrible lighting, or you're fighting with someone at home, or the guy at the gas station was just an inexplicable prick, things don't seem that great. You get bummed and pissed, and your day just seems bad. At least if you're anything like me, this is true. Your surroundings and the people around are so influential on your happiness and attitude. This might not have been exactly what she was getting at, but that's where my mind went with it.

Maybe love isn't at the heart of everything you do. But wouldn't it be nice if it was? Wouldn't it be simpler? If you did all things with love? Not that this is an easy thing to do, by any means. It would be really tough. But I think sometimes you can choose to love. Now I don't mean you can choose to be IN love with someone, that's totally different. It's not even possible. But I do think that you can choose to change your outlook on things or people, and hopefully that results in a degree of love. Allow me to explain. Let's go back to the poor dingy office example. You HATE your work environment. You don't enjoy the people, you aren't fulfilled by your work, and your office just makes you want to cry. It's not totally out of your control. While you can't exactly change the people you work with, you could strike up a friendly conversation with that quiet person in the cubicle near yours, ask them to grab lunch with you. Add some flowers to your desk, light a candle, change the lamp. You might be surprised what it will do to you. I won't go so far as to say you will suddenly be in love with what you're doing, but maybe you won't hate it like you did before. You can't change your situation, but you can try to change your attitude. And that's the second best thing.

GOIN TO THE CHAPEL

NOT ME. That title may have been deceiving....my apologies. I did walk down the aisle a few days ago, but I was not the one wearing white. My very, very dear family friend Hillary and her man Atlee tied the knot, and I had the honor of being a bridesmaid. It was a great weekend filled with love, dancing, and drinking. The best kind of weekends, in my humble opinion. David was back home in St. Louis, so I was dateless; but it was still a gas. Hillary has always been like my big sister. Our dads were best friends in high school, and still have the cutest "bromance" I've ever seen. He's my brother's godfather, and their family has had an incredible influence in my life. They were an unbelievable support system when my anxiety was really bad, and I think that tough experience brought our families even closer than we were before. They truly are family. So it's been really cool to see Hillary marry such an awesome guy.

   Hillary and I bringin in the cash at our lemonade stand

 back in the day

Rehearsal dinner fun

Hillary's sister Melissa, my partner in crime, and her boyfriend Ryan. Three amigos

All the bridesmaids

Meliss and I

Niiiiiick 

The new Mr. & Mrs.

As soon as I got back from the wedding weekend, my new roommate Cate moved in. So happy she's here! My last roommate moved out a few months ago, and I've been flying solo since then. I like my alone time as much as the next person, but that was far too much of a good thing. Cate and I actually went to high school together, we both came to DePaul, but then drifted apart. We both sort of just got into different things and different groups of friends. We reconnected a while ago, and it has been really awesome to get close with her again. She introduced me to David, so I owe her big time. It's been pretty crazy around here figuring out the move, and then just putting our apartment back together. But it's coming along! I'll be posting an apartment tour on here in the next few days, as soon as this place looks semi presentable... ;)

Moving day-eve treats 

The new roomies paint: before

Painting after! 

Two girls and a Uhaul. Quite the terrifying experience.....

What a skyline

Cate and I high school style

Cate and I college style. Pretty cool

CATCH UP

Hello! I'm writing to you from the inside of a parked car, in the pouring rain, at 6:45 AM, watching a triathlon. Long story. But I figured this would be a wonderful time to play catch up! There has been a lot of traveling going on for this gal. And working. Traveling and working, not a bad gig. I spent the Fourth of July in the city, doing what every good American should be doing on this hallowed day: finding a body of water, grilling out, drinking beer, and watching some fireworks.

Checkin out ze boats at the harbor at Montrose Beach 

Apparently the most effective way to get the grill goin is....last year's text book?

Of course I didn't get a picture of the fireworks. Amateur move,  I know. But cool firework spot, eh? 

He's alright, I guess....

A week later, I flew out to D.C to see some family and do the sight seeing circuit. I had been to the beautiful District of Columbia once before, and it's even more impressive the second time around. That being said, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: it gets hot there in July. I'm talking REAL hot. We walked 7 plus miles on a day with a heat index of 106 degrees...sort of brutal. But it was a blast to see family and to check out some smart people stuff ;) 

Momma and I on the plane

Kind of cool Chicago exhibit in the Transportation part of the Smithsonian 

Georgetown. Hoya Saxa

Cool quote part of the Holocaust Museum 

After that, it was back to Chicago to get a week of work in. After dinner with my boyfriend's parents, he was off for his own two weeks of travel (insert sad face here). There is an upside to it, though; I spent a week in the Northwoods at our family cabin, and now I am spending a week in my hometown. I can dig it. 

Tiki bar stop on the boat

Three generations of Murphy men. Good lookin fellas

My brother, the stud 

The terrifying picture I sent Rose as I was waiting for her, in an attempt to get her to hurry up. No success.

Best friend picture. Cheese alert

Rose's mom makes the most incredible pizza on the grill. She even makes the dough from scratch. She's like Wonder Woman. 

I guess this is more of a picture post, because you know how much I like my pictures. Sorry....except I'm not really all that sorry ;)

RISKY BUSINESS

You know something I have recently realized I hate more than a lot of other things? Risks. I detest taking risks. Ever since I was little, I avoided them at all costs. I never talked out of turn in class. I never strayed from the strict uniform code growing up in private schools, no matter how badly I wanted to wear socks that didn't come above my ankles. When my friends and I used to make prank phone calls, I was never the one to talk to the poor innocent soul we were harassing. And when I was, I always hung up the phone as soon as the person on the other end answered. Except for the time in eighth grade when my friends and I sang Britney Spears to our principal, and I was the one that had to go into the police station for questioning when she filed a complaint (story for another time...I'm still scarred). Bottom line, I was never a trouble maker. I liked to know what was expected of me, and stick to it. Part of this was because I'm an insane people pleaser, which I'm working on, but the other part was just because I really didn't want to risk getting in trouble.

Even as I got older, when the risks were different than getting in trouble, I still opted out whenever I could. So many times in high school, my anxiety would get the best of me because I didn't want to risk getting stuck in a situation I was uncomfortable in. I wouldn't go to parties or dances because I didn't want to risk it. I didn't go on vacation with friends because "What if something happens?" was as far as my brain would think. I had my safe little bubble, and I liked it in there. Only, come to find out, I hated it in that bubble. I just didn't know it yet.



In all honesty, college was probably the first big risk I took. My parents didn't think I was going to go away. And with good right. Leaving home and going to school in a city of nearly three million people shouldn't have even been on the table. There should have been no way. But I was determined to do it. Up to that point, everything people said I couldn't do, I couldn't do. They weren't being pessimistic, just realistic. But something was telling me I could do this; that, as terrifying and impossible as it seemed, it was manageable. And so, one day after school, I told my mom where I was going to school. No more looking, no more talking, I had decided on DePaul University. She said okay, and we made plans for me to attend in the fall. But from that day until the day I left for school, maybe even a few weeks after I started, I think my parents still had doubts. I never did. I still don't know why I didn't. I have no idea what made me so confident that I wouldn't fail, but I knew I wouldn't. And I didn't. College is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I grew in ways that I couldn't have even dreamed of. The person I was before I left for my freshman year is a shadow of who I am now. I sometimes don't even recognize her.

Except sometimes I do recognize her. Even after such a positive outcome of such an enormous risk, I still HATE taking them. I hate jumping off that cliff. When I get to the bottom, I'm almost always glad I stepped off. But it's the whole free fall down that scares me shitless. The risks are different in this stage of the game, though. School, career, friends, love. The funny thing I've noticed lately is that some of the risks I'm afraid to take are because things seem too good to be true. I feel like I need to run because there is just no way I can possibly be this happy. So I should get out now, before things get really messy and I get hurt. Who thinks like that? I want to get out of an incredible situation because I'm afraid to risk getting hurt? That would be screwing myself over in the largest way possible. Yes, things could go horribly wrong. And friendships could be ruined, or my heart could be broken. But I can't live my life half-assed in order to prevent the possible negative outcomes. Because what if those things don't happen? And things turn out perfectly? How would I ever know that if I didn't take the risk? So I'm going to just start taking those risks. Jumping off that damn cliff, even if I scream the whole way down.

SWEET, SWEET SUMMER

School is out. I repeat: School. Is. Out. Thank you LAWD. My school is on the quarter system, so we go a lot later than most other colleges. Like, a month later. Boo to that. So the break from anything academic is welcomed with open arms. Kicked off the summer with some time out of the city, heading back home to my hometown for a few days. From there, I spent the past weekend at one of my favorite places on Earth: our family cabin in Northern Wisconsin. It's a five and a half hour journey through lots and lots of flat land, but for some reason I love the drive. It just makes me happy. There is something so comforting about being locked in a car with my whole family, puppy included, for a few hours. The end destination makes it worth the while. Plus, my iPhone loaded with a playlist from my boyfriend didn't hurt either. Got back to my apartment last night, and I am SO excited for a summer in the city. I can go in a coffee shop...and not study. What a crazy idea. Now that school is over, expect more frequent posts. Until then, I'll throw some pictures from this weekend your way!

Best way to celebrate finals being over

View from home is a little bit different than the city...

Cousin lovin