START A REVOLUTION

If you were to ask me what one of my least favorite activities in the history of ever is, the first thing out of my mouth would undoubtedly be "dress shopping". I have never liked it; it was never a source of excitement for me. In fact, it was always the opposite. Every year in high school, homecoming and prom season would cyclically roll around. And the dreadful day when my mom and I would trek out to the mall to find a dress, usually last minute because I would try to put it off as long as I could. With that day came stress, frustration, and by the end of the it, tears. I have never loved my body. There is not a single time I can think back to where I was satisfied with what I saw in the mirror, to be totally honest. The inheritance of my mom's giant boobs arrived at the god-awfully embarrassing age of 14. This may sound appealing to a lot of girls, but trust me. They're far more hassle than their worth. I was always the girl that could never wear the "cool" tops from Abercrombie, because I would look like a chesty whore bag in them. In grade school and high school I was surrounded by all of my impossibly skinny friends. And as desperately as I hoped that would be me, it just wasn't in the cards. I never have been, and never will be, a stick. Although secretly, I'll never give up hope that someday I'll wake up and the Magical Skinny Fairy will have sprinkled me with some of her magic dust.

Now this isn't supposed to be a whiney, cry me a river kind of tale. I know that everyone wants what they can't have. But the other day, I had one of those mornings where you just can't decide what to wear because you suddenly hate how everything in your closet looks on you. Familiar with these mornings? Anyways, I got into work discouraged, angrily sat down at my computer, and opened the daily office update email from our office manager. She closes every update with an encouraging, usually painfully cheesy, quote. The one that day, however, wasn't cheesy at all. It was a Carrie Bradshaw quote from Sex and the City that was eerily fitting for my currently dreadful day: "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that YOU love, well, that's just fabulous."

Not only can I see every kind of relationship that she describes at play in my own life, but it added some unexpected perspective into my life at 9 AM on a Friday morning. I would be so pissed if someone in my life were to start talking shit about me. So what makes it okay for ME to talk shit about me? If I talked to my friends like I talk to myself, I would have no friends left. Every person I know has that one thing that they hate about themselves, even if they don't openly admit it; maybe it's something about their appearance, or that they aren't as smart as they wish they were, or maybe their family life is screwed up. The point is, EVERYONE has those things they are insecure about. There are so few people in this world that truly love and appreciate everything about themselves. And that's okay, it's normal. But I think when people start thinking they're not worthy of as much as others, that's when there's a problem. And I am totally and completely guilty of falling into this category. That's so screwed up.

So often in conversations with girlfriends, not only do I hear them talking badly about themselves, but I hear them commenting on other girls. "Wow, she got big." "Her acne is out of control." "Why does she think that outfit looks cute?" I'm guilty of the gossip, too. I'll admit it. But what are we doing? WHY IN THE HELL ARE WE SO CRITICAL OF EACH OTHER? It's like we're setting each other up for failure. Being a girl is tough enough as it is, why do we have to add all this pressure to each other? Why can't we just be supportive of each other? It's stupid. And it's borderline bullying, but that is a rant for a different time, because I could go on for days.

Bottom line: I've decided to challenge myself to stop beating myself up about my weight. I know that I'm healthy; I work out regularly, I eat relatively well. I know that it's not a medical issue. But I need to improve my relationship with my body. I have to stop focusing on what I don't love about myself, and focus on what I do. Because I genuinely do love who I am and who I'm turning into, and I'm proud of myself and my accomplishments. I'm also promising to stop judging other girls. I just feel like it's the least we can do to help each other out. I would love for y'all to join me.