This post is one I've been trying to figure out how to tackle for a really long time. It's hard to say what I'm thinking without sounding horribly cliché. So I'm just going to go ahead and get the biggest cliché out of the way first: I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. But whenever I'm dealing with a tough situation and someone says this to me, I have a strong desire to slap them. This is why I've debated writing about this for so long. Me saying "Everything happens for a reason, just hang in there" is not going to help anyone going through anything. It's only going to piss them off. So I guess I'm just going to try to defend my seemingly generic stance.
There is not a single thing that I have gone through or dealt with in my life, good, bad or indifferent, that I wish hadn't happened. I'm not going to bullshit you and tell you that there haven't been times where I wished with every single fiber of my being that I was out of the situation I was in. I've prayed for fast forward buttons, undo buttons, miracles. But at some point, you come out on the other side of the hurt. You stop wishing you had gotten into the ONE AND ONLY university that didn't accept you, maybe you don't think about "the one that got away" every day anymore, whatever the case may be. Sometimes you don't even notice that things are better, the hurt sort of just subtly dulls.
I feel like I've been talking about Carrie Underwood a lot lately. But she's so fab, I don't even feel bad. A line in one of her songs that resonated with me is, "As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt, thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved". Ain't that the truth. We always think we know what's best for us. We are so sure of the right significant other for us, the right job for us, the right life path in general. And when things don't go how we saw them going, we get pissed. Because we were entitled to that "right" thing. We deserved that.
Everything I thought I deserved but didn't get, in the end I am always able to realize why it didn't work out. That boy who I thought I was meant for turned out to be nowhere near the person I thought he was. And it has led me to a much different person, thank God. Being rejected by my number one school was heartbreaking, but I came to realize I wanted to go there for all the wrong reasons. And I ended up exactly where I am supposed to be, doing things I never even thought I could do. Friendships ended, but that led to even better ones, and I was able to start to learn who I am as a person. Even my anxiety comes full circle. Like I've said before, I wouldn't wish that time of my life on my worst enemy, nor do I want to redo it. But it made me a stronger person; I am who I am because of that. Even if the only thing you can say on the other side of trouble is "I am stronger for this", I think it's worth it.
I am so in love with where I am in my life right now that there is not a single thing I would have changed, because it might not have led me to where I am right this second. And that would just be a damn shame.
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