THINGS I'M AFRAID OF

Everyone has things that make them nervous. In my case, sometimes they're pretty quirky things. Now, I'm not proud of this list. But hey! I'm human. And as you will see, I have pretty killer avoidance methods.

1.       The dentist/doctor/really anything medical. I’m not quite sure where this came from or why it still exists, but it’s bad. Like, really bad. In sixth grade, I had walking pneumonia. When I first went in to Urgent Care with my symptoms, they informed me they wanted to run some tests and they would need to draw blood. The nurse left the room to go get the necessary blood-sucking supplies. So did my mother, to call my dad with an update. Big-o mistake-o, mommy dearest. With zero supervision, I ran out of that room at the speed of light and hid. Where I hid, I don’t remember. All I know is that no one poked me with a needle that day and they were able to find the pneumonia through an X-ray. So obviously my hiding tactics were outstandingly successful.

The only doctor I don’t hate is my eye doctor. Shout out to Dr. H

2.        Flying. I feel like this one is pretty common, but it had to make the list. It doesn’t necessarily prevent me from going places but it definitely makes me think twice. How people fall asleep on planes, I will never know. With every bump, I think we're going down. The safety video they play before take-off, with the water landing procedure and oxygen mask diagrams, only feed my sick imagination.

3.       Getting stuck on the L, red line in particular. Let me set the stage, for all you non-city-folk. The L has several lines, like most public transportation systems. We have the purple line, the blue line, the red line, the brown line, and a few other selections of the rainbow. The red line, however, is Chicago’s most hated. At least it’s my most hated. The majority of your ride is underground, there’s no cell service for Spotify streaming/Instagram checking/mom texting. Whenever I am forced to take the red line, I have this fear that the train will just break down and I will be stuck there, under all that earth. I won’t be able to call anyone, eventually I’ll run out of air, people will get crazy and start to turn on each other, and…NONE OF THIS WILL ACTUALLY HAPPEN. I know that. But I still take the above ground brown line option whenever I can, even if it takes me an extra 20 minutes.

4.       Not having pills when I need them. Alright, now before you take me as a druggie let me explain myself. I’m afraid that if I don’t have a medicine (PERFECTLY LEGAL, OVER THE COUNTER STUFF, PEOPLE) I will need it. Like if I take my bottle of Excedrin Migraine out of my purse, I’m guaranteed to get a killer headache that day. It’s not a logical thought process, I know. But I have almost the entire Walgreens store in my bag at any given time just in case. Come see me if you need Advil, Pepto-Bismol, Tums, Gas-X, Midol, ZZZquil (don’t ask), Abreva, Imodium….

5.       Food gone bad. I am SUCH a weirdo when it comes to food spoiling. Leftovers from over 3 days ago? Nope. Opened almond milk older than a week? Bye. I know it’s so wasteful and impractical, but if I eat the food-in-question, I’ll just be so anxious about getting sick from it that it’s not even worth it in the first place.

Let me tell ya, it’s a weird place inside my head. 

UPS AND DOWNS OF BEING A CITY GIRL

I can't believe this is coming out of my fingertips, but lately I have been gettin real sick of the city. Blasphemous! I know it. But just hear me out here. I don't know if it's the enormous number of people that are making the summer heat even more heated or what. But I've been craving some space and breathing room lately. Here's the pro and con list that's been on my mind (yes, I'm the Pros & Cons list kind of girl)

Pro No. 1
FOOD. You sure as hell can't get Buffalo Mac and Cheese, Bacon Donuts, burgers with buns made of fried mac and cheese (can you tell I love me some mac?) or the best pizza in the world in the 'burbs.

The Mac & Cheese Attack at Rockit Burger Bar. I don't hate it.

Con No. 1
Transportation. The "best" way to get around the city is public transportation. But this tacks on at least a half hour to every trip you make. Sure, your destination is probably three miles away. But that means it's 6 el stops. So you're gonna have to walk to the train stop (if you're lucky enough to live close to it, otherwise you'll have to hop on the bus), wait for the train, wait through every stop while sitting in a seat that smells like someone peed in it...yesterday, I think you get my point. It's a pain. And getting a case of Diet Coke at the grocery store? Forget it. You have to carry it (and your four bags of groceries) all the way home.

Pro No. 2
No need for DD's. You can walk to a bar down the street and stumble your way home. Ain't no worryin about driving.

Con No. 2
Cars. If you do decide to bypass the public transport, you're driving. Which BLOWS here. There's traffic no matter what time of day or night you brave the road. The trip to CVS that should take you 5 minutes, ends up totaling near 30. And then you have to worry about parking! My favorite kind of grocery store is the kind with a parking lot.

Pro No. 3
Coffee Shops. There is quite the "Coffee Shop Culture" in big cities, at least in this one. My caffeine  addiction is cozy-ly fed. I've realized that Starbucks does not, in fact, have the greatest latte. Nor the greatest atmosphere. I would so much rather hit up that local shop instead.

Filter Coffee in Bucktown. Couches everywhere

Con No. 3
Prices. Everything costs more. And I mean everything. From your rent every month to the drinks you get on Friday night, everything is more expensive. And the jobs don't necessarily pay more.

Pro No. 4
There's so much room for activities! No but really. There's so many fun things to do. One of our favorite bars has a bowling alley in it. And there's another one filled with the greatest old school video games. Concerts in your neighborhood are also hard to beat.

Con No. 4
I'm cramped. I don't have all that much space to "run around", so to speak. Whenever we go back to my parents' house, my favorite part is their backyard (something I largely oversaw when I lived at home). Now, I just soak it in. It would be so nice to sit outside on a large deck, not have to feel like you're sitting on top of your next door neighbor, and see grass and trees.

But then I see this and I quickly forgot all the cons.

DEAR CREEPS OF THE STREET

Dear Guy Who Just Passed Me on the Street-

All I was trying to do was get myself and my iced caramel coffee with skim back to my office. In peace. But you had other plans, didn't you? You decided to make me crawl-out-of-my-skin uncomfortable by making eye contact with me and while you did that, you let out the most guttural, disgustingly sexual grunts.

Just one question for you, why? Why would you decide to make a young woman feel as though it's not her place to walk down the sidewalk, as though she's trespassing in your space instead of walking in a public area.

Okay, I lied. Another question. What made you think you had the right to do that? I have a father, and a brother, and a boyfriend, who all love me and respect me. Isn't there some kind of bro code? Don't you, like, think about those people before you treat me like I'm an object?

All I know is you and your buddies, the guys who openly discussed my "killer rack" last week as I was standing next to them in Best Buy, can all go screw yourselves.

DEAREST BROTHER

My dear baby brother,

Today I will watch you walk across the stage and accept your high school diploma, the one that you have worked so incredibly hard for (juggling basketball and all those honors classes, how you got out of that place with a 4.1 GPA, I will never know). I will probably have tears in my eyes as you try to find mom, dad, and me in the crowd. You'll give us the famous Michael nod and smirk and walk back to your seat with your friends.



There is so much I want to say to you on this day and I'm not exactly sure how to say it or where to start. I guess with this: You are my best friend. I have a bond with you that I will never have with and other person. We are siblings; we share the same parents, the same home, the same pupperoo, the same family, and a lot of the same experiences. But we haven't shared all of the same experiences. You were so young when I was going through my anxiety stuff. You were young but you were SO smart, even then. You knew things were happening even if you didn't know exactly what. I always felt bad for taking mom and dad's attention away from you, but you never made me feel guilty for that. You had a way of making me feel better, without even knowing it.

You were in fourth grade when things were at their worst. One day when mom was at school for something, your teacher came up to her and asked how I was. Mom was confused, obviously, because she hadn't told her anything that was going on with me. When mom asked her how she knew, your teacher said, "Michael asked the class to pray for his sister Liz."



Michael, I will never forget this as long as I live. It is the ultimate testament to your character. You are such an incredibly thoughtful, gentle man. You are quiet, but meaningful with your words. You are my younger brother but so often I feel like you are wiser than me. You have something that makes everyone want to be around you.

You will do such wonderful things next year at Indiana University. You will BE wonderful. I will end up exactly where you are supposed to be, I believe that with all my heart.



After all those years of bugging you and bugging you, you finally started to like me. And after a little more bugging, you finally let me in. I am so honored you let me in. I love the connection we have now and I know it will continue to grow stronger. I am so proud to be your sister. I look up to you. You set an incredible example for me and for all those around you.



Your world is going to open so much after graduation in the best way. I cannot wait to see the man you become and I am so excited to be a part of that journey.

I love you more than I could ever say.

COFFEE DATE.

One of my favorite things to do is catch up with someone over coffee. It's something I don't get to do nearly as often as I'd like to, but I love when it happens.

If you and I were sitting down for a cup of coffee, I would tell you I am writing this FROM MY DECK. Yes, Chicago finally got its head out of its ass and decided to warm the hell up. Thank God. I thought I'd never be able to put away my boots.

Then I would warn you I'm about to throw myself a pity party, you're invited. This quarter of school has been by far my hardest yet. And I am SO ready for it to be over. Just a few more weeks, self. June 10th can't come fast enough.

I would tell you that I just got a new job! Sort of....It's still in admissions, because I could never leave that place. But I am now the Tour Guide Coordinator. That means I'm in charge of about 42 tour guides (and counting). I'm crazy nervous and crazy excited. And also honored. So now I'll be working one job instead of two, which is also awesome. And being the boss lady doesn't sound so bad. It's very Leslie Knope, which is all good with me. Good vibes all around.



I would also tell you that I am missing David like crazy. After we had a great Mother's Day weekend in St. Louis visiting his family, I flew back to Chicago by myself and he is now in Europe for almost three weeks. Not only do I miss him a whole ton, but I'm insanely jealous. Copenhagen, Berlin, Amsterdam, London. Quite the lineup. I'll just live vicariously through him when he gets back. In 10 days. Not that I'm counting. Why would I be

I would tell you that my baby brother is graduating from high school TOMORROW. It's a really bizarre feeling. I think the weirdest part for me is that I feel like I was getting my diploma, like, two months ago. So weird to think he's at that stage now.

And somewhere in all that, you would tell me all about what's going on with you. What you fill your days with, what you're worrying about right now, what you watched on TV last night.

And then we'd get a second cup of coffee.

JUST SIT AND BE

So I feel a little bit like the prodigal son. Every once in a while I'll wander away from this blog, but I always find my way back. And it always welcomes me with open arms. At least, I feel like it does...

Okay, sorry for the Christian humor. Anyways. I could come up with a thousand excuses as to why I haven't been posting regularly on here for, oh...a while. The truth is that life gets in the way. And then more life decides to hop on and pretty soon it's this really heavy thing on your back. And sometimes I just don't handle it well. I get stressed out and freak out and it's not fun for anyone involved. That's sort of hard to admit; I like to pretend that I'm this super strong bionic wonderwoman who can take on the world and say yes to everything. But that just isn't me. I have a limit, a definite boundary. And the hardest part for me is that boundary is different than other people's. I see other people taking a full course load with two jobs who are managing just fine. So why is that when I do this, eventually I start to topple over? I don't like feeling less capable than others.

The funniest part is that I get stressed when I have nothing to do. What kind of freak of nature gets anxious when they can just sit around and binge on Netflix? This girl. This past weekend, David was out of town. The stars aligned in some really freaky way and every single one of my friends was busy. I didn't have to work and I had finished most of my homework (except for the reading, because let's be honest....does ANYONE actually do the assigned reading?). And you know what I did? I had a meltdown. A full fledged, crying, meltdown. BECAUSE I HAD NOTHING TO DO. I was lonely, and bored, and sitting with myself freaked me out. I am so used to constantly going that when I am not going, I apparently meltdown. I can't be still.



I've been having some weird health-y type stuff going on for a long time now and after a ton of tests, all signs are pointing to stress and anxiety as the dirty, douchey culprit. So when my body is physically telling me to slow the hell down, maybe it's not something to ignore.

So I've had to rearrange some things in my life to better suit ME. What I can handle, but more so what I can't handle. Also I think I need to practice sitting down with a cup of coffee and a book and relaxing for a little bit. OH DARN...

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

R.I.P Spring Break. David and I spent the week up at the cabin, skiing and....couching. Lots of couching. It was so great. We slept in, ate when (and what) ever we wanted, watched movies in the middle of the day, and the best part was I didn't even feel guilty about it.

A massive amount of snow was dumped on our little town Thursday and it was like nothing I've ever seen before. Keep in mind, my man is a city boy through and through. Before Chicago, he was born and raised in St. Louis proper. He'd never experienced the kind of quiet a town with a population of 700 can offer. In the middle of this snow storm, we went for a walk. All of a sudden, he stops walking and shushes me. My mind immediately goes to us being devoured by a large animal, because...obviously. "Do you hear that?" he says. "Hear what?" "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can hear the snow falling". It was kind of cool to watch him feel that for the first time.

After a week of bliss, we're finally back home. Just those few days away have made this city seem SO fricken loud it's unbelievable. Also, I'm pretty sure the number of people walking outside in the five blocks surrounding my apartment right now equal the number of people residing in that tiny town....

I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE

The other day a friend was talking about a speech he had to give about something he believed in. What a horribly broad topic. Where do you even go with that? All I kept thinking was thank GOD it wasn't me with the assignment. There are so many things I believe in, but how do you convey that belief to an outsider? I mean I believe in God, I believe in doing the right thing, in helping others. I believe in coffee, lots and lots of coffee. But how do you write about any of these things?

Later that night, it smacked me in the face. Love. Love is what I believe in, above all else. I've already told you, I'm a hopelessly corny romantic. But it's not even just that lovey dovey kind I believe in (although I totally do). I am lucky enough to say that my parents are my greatest example of love. They love each other with such ferocity. They will be married 30 years in May and they honestly love each other more every day. I never once saw them fighting as I was growing up, which doesn't mean they didn't fight. They just valued each other, and my brother and I, enough not to let us see that. They are best friends. If I had a dollar for every time my dad has told me, "I love your mom so much", I would be set.

Not only do they love each other, but they love my brother and I immensely. I have never gone a day without them telling me this. This seems like part of the parent job description, but I have learned that not every kid experiences this. I have so much appreciation for the family dynamic my parents created.

I believe in love because of my best friend. Another thing I have learned is that not everyone has a Rose. A best friend who loves them unconditionally. God knows we have had our ups and downs, but we find a way to come back better and stronger.

I believe in love because of my family and my "family". I have so many aunts and uncles and cousins that make living life better. I also have a lot of friends who aren't really friends but more like family (hence the "family"). They are the ultimate support system.

I believe in love because of my work peeps. They have all become my dear friends and they make every day fun. We all have such an appreciation for each other and the things we bring to the table that makes our team work so well.

Now onto the lovey dovey part, you knew it was coming. I believe in my own kind of love because of David. I know that I am so young to have something like this, but he's taught me so much about myself and what I see for my future. I never really dated anyone seriously before him. All through high school and the first couple years of college, everyone had these boyfriends and someone to bring with them to family parties. I was always the third wheel or the one being forcibly set up with the boyfriend's friend with bad intentions. I was patiently waiting for my turn. And then maybe not so patiently. Then I gave up. And then I met David. You know how people tell you not to settle for a man unless you would be proud to have him as a son? I hit the jackpot. He makes me laugh. He makes me love myself. He make me feel better and safe. He is my favorite person to be around. He is home for me.

I am loved so unselfishly. The people in my life make my heart so so incredibly happy. THAT is why I believe in love.

'SCUSE ME, DOCTA SAY WHAT?

This morning while I was doing my ritual "Scroll Through Twitter Before Getting Out of Bed", I came across a link to a video that floored me (I posted it below). CNN's Piers Morgan interviewed this doctor in New York who is offering pro-bono (free) plastic surgeries to victims of bullying. He says that while obviously nobody wants bullying in schools, it is naive and stupid to think that we can stop it by stopping the bullies. He says there will always be bullies and that the solution is to take away the things the victim is being bullied for.

Uhhhh, am I the only one that has a huge issue with this?! It's disgusting on so many levels! This is telling the victim that THEY are the problem, THEY are faulty and broken, THEY need to be fixed. That is just the wrong message to be sending. The problem is with the parenting. These bullies are going to mimic the behavior and aggression they see their parents displaying because they think that is what is acceptable.

A while ago, I saw a bumper sticker that said, "My kid beat up your honor student". And we wonder why kids are committing suicide in record numbers. When are people going to wake up and realize this stuff isn't a joke? These kids are in such a fragile stage. Middle school and high school SUCK. (speaking from my own shitty experience).

Kids are mean and vicious. They don't realize the immense power behind their words. They are constantly being told from peers and the media that they aren't pretty enough or smart enough or cool enough or GOOD enough. And this jackass comes in and solidifies that thought to these kids. What we need to be doing is solving the issue, not just camouflaging it with effing plastic surgery on 14 year olds. It starts at home. And if it doesn't start at home, it needs to be stopped at school. Teachers need to be given the power and the tools to provide a safe place for these bullied kids. The cyber bullying excuse ("Well it didn't happen on school grounds, so technically we can't do anything about it") is utter bullshit. These students cannot be terrified to walk into their classroom. Legislation needs to catch up with the internet. Because these kids need to know that they are far more than "good enough".

L FOR LOOOOVE

Happy Valentines Day to you peeps! What a strange day this is. It puts pressure on people in relationships and it makes single people feel shitty. And shouldn't you show the people you love that you love them every other day, too? Except I have a confession: I secretly love Valentine's Day. Before David, I never really had anyone exceptional to spend Valentine's Day with. Other than that one time sophomore year of high school when a boy presented me with flowers and asked me to be his official, actual "girlfriend". Giggle. But there's something about the palpable love in the air that just gets me. People are happy, guys are walking down the street with flowers and chocolates, there is just so much possibility. I should probably just admit to myself that I'm a hopeless romantic, but I still feel like I'm above that. I'm in the closet.

That being said, David is probably the least romantic man on the planet. And I'm SO okay with that. It would drive me nuts if he was cheesy. And it makes it even more special when he says or does nice things. So I wasn't expecting much for this Valentine's Day and I really was okay with that. But sure enough, I opened my front door to a David with a dozen roses behind his back. I definitely wasn't mad about that.

His dad called a little later just to check in and say hi. After expressing David's hatred for this unofficial holiday, his dad summed the day up in the most perfect way. "It's just a day to show appreciation for that person who puts up with all of your weird, annoying quirks and loves you despite of them".

Let me tell you, David has a lot of quirks. Weird, annoying quirks. But at the end of the day, most of those things are reasons I love him. And he makes every day and moment better, happier, and complete. What else could I possibly ask for? He makes my life full and way more fun.

So even if you don't have a lovah, Valentine's Day is a day to show appreciation to the people you care about. Share the warm fuzzies and make em feel special.

And if all else fails, follow Leslie Knope's lead.

JUST A 4x3 RECTANGLE

NEW ADDICTION ALERT. Game of Thrones. Please do me (and yourself) the favor and just leave well enough alone. It sucks you in and then rips your heart out and stomps on it. The blood, the guts, the sex, the swords. What's not to love? After resisting the G.O.T peer pressure from everyone around me for months, I finally gave in. I've zoomed through the first two season because I just can't stop. God, this entire description sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. Also, an obscene amount of people die. Even the likable main characters you think are safe. I'm learning to not get attached to anyone.



If you've never seen an episode, there's something you have to know before I continue. It's incredibly complex. I don't know if it's the medieval language, the storyline, the enormous amount of characters (WHO ALL LOOK ALIKE?!), or what. But I need to be completely devoted for the entire hour to fully grasp what's going on. If I look down to respond to a text, next thing I know, someone gets axed or is having sex with his sister and I am just totally lost (couldn't make that up if I tried).

As I've started watching this show, I have become uncomfortably aware of how attached I am to my cellphone. Obviously I know how connected my generation in particular is. As a Public Relations chick, I study it and I capitalize on it. As a 20 year old chick, I live it. I wasn't a stranger to the fact. But not being able to look at my phone for that 57 minutes killed me at first. I was very uncomfortable just sitting there and watching something. I wasn't looking at my texts, scrolling through Instagram or Twitter, or refreshing my Facebook page every 4 minutes hoping something exciting would be happening (spoiler alert: nothing exciting ever happens on Facebook). I wouldn't go so far as to say I was twitching, but it was close enough to make me aware I have an addiction issue.



Our phones are such a strange thing. EVERYTHING is right at our fingertips. We are constantly accessible. Whether that's a good thing or bad thing, jury's still out. Even if you decide to leave your phone at home, you are expected to be able to get a hold of. If I need someone, text them, and they don't respond within 20 minutes, I get agitated. "I know they have their phone." But think about it. Rewind 10 years, and we weren't dependent on this stupid 4x3 concoction of plastic and temper-glass. And now it's our lifeline.

I have made a pact with myself. Two hours a day, step AWAY from the phone. Leave it at home when I go out for dinner, put it in my room when my roommate and I are both home together, whatever it is. I don't like the idea of being so dependent on this thing. So phone, let's work on this relationship. It's not you, it's me. Actually, it might be a little bit you.

P.S, at least I'm not as weird as this lady...

WHY I COULD NEVER BE ON THE BACHELOR

Admitting that I watch "The Bachelor" is something that I will never do. Except I guess I just did. But just listen for a minute before you go thinkin I'm the kind of girl that watches The Bachelor. I had always prided myself on never seeing a single episode, didn't even have an ounce of interest. But last year I had a friend who was addicted to the show but she didn't have TV. She didn't think her poor little heart could hang on until the day after the episode would air to watch it online, so she would come over to my house on Monday nights to watch it. And I'm not just gonna let her watch it by herself. Obviously, I had to be a supportive friend and sit with her. It like sucks you in, okay? So yes. I did watch a season of The Bachelor. Sean and Catherine's season. And I loved every second of it. But I also hated myself for loving it. It was a major tug of war. I have not seen a season since then, and probably won't ever. But still, it happened.

I am also ashamed to admit that I tuned into the first half of Sean and Catherine's wedding special last night. What's worse? When I couldn't watch the second half, I recorded it. What's even worse than that? I CRIED when I watched the ceremony today after work. Sobbed. I'm a self proclaimed sap, but that's a new level even for me.



When I shamefully admitted to my roommate what I had done a mere hour before she got home (and had to walk away from the conversation when she cynically bet me they would be divorced in six months and were only doing it for the paycheck), we started talking about how awful it would be to be a contestant on that show. And here's why.

The Competition. I am a peacemaker. The most non-confrontational of sorts. At the first sign of conflict, I tend to run. That's not to say I don't like some healthy, all-in-good-fun competition. But this whole thing is cut throat as hell. I would die.



The Girls. That many girls fighting over the same hottie? That just sounds miserable. All the high maintenance-ness living in one house? Thanks but no thanks.




The Jealousy. Good God, this is reason enough for me to never apply. The thought of witnessing girls fawning over the guy you like, and having him reciprocate that flirtation is dreadful. You go out on a date with this guy, then 20 minutes after he gets home he's givin a rose to some other chick. Dejected. Not to mention walking in on him gettin frisky with the girl you share a room with. Just no.

The Attention. You are basically signing up for all of America to watch you get your heart broken by some Ken doll look alike. Call me crazy, but I can't think of something I would like less. And disclaimer: I am not a cute crier. America does not need to see that.

So to all those wondering minds: you will NEVER see me getting out of that limo hoping for a rose and a husband. Sorry if that was something you were really holding your breath for.

WHAT'S A LITTLE WHITE LIE

Lying. It's something we all do but refuse to admit it.

There's the "it's easier if you don't know the truth" lie ("No, that really looks good on you"), the "I don't want to talk" lie ("I'm fine."), the "get out of stuff lie" ("Something came up").



But my favorite is the "oh shit, I'm in trouble" lie. These are the most interesting because once you start, you just can't stop. It's like quick sand; you just keep getting deeper and deeper until you can't climb your way out. Even when you know you're busted, you just can't seem to stop. LORDY THE WORD VOMIT.

My hall of fame-r in this category was from my fourth grade self. Little background for you, science and I hate each other. Probably closer to despise. Loathe. You get the picture. Even in my tot years, I didn't get it. We were on the dinosaur chapter and I was just lost. I mean, think about it. How is a 9 year old supposed to wrap her head around the idea of an enormous creature that just doesn't exist anymore? No explanation, the beasts just vanished. Riddle me that.

Anyways. At the end of the chapter, we had a test. And it was haaaaard. I remember nervously rearranging all 2,800 lip glosses that were lined up inside of my desk (a girl's gotta have options) as I waited for Mrs. Gallo to waddle her way over to me to hand back my test. Talk about a mental image. When she finally plopped it down in front of me, I slowly turned it over to peak. On the top of it was a big, fat, red F. As the tears started forming in my sweet little eyeballs, I started to think about how I was going to explain this to my mom. And I came up with the perfect idea. I would turn the F into an E. E comes before F, so obviously it's not as bad. I mean, it's bad. But it's not F bad. So I took out my red pen and sneakily added that extra line at the bottom to magically transform that horrible letter. Our teacher made all us bring of our tests back the next day signed by a parent. What would I do when Mrs. Gallo noticed a different grade on the top of my paper? I hadn't quite figured that out yet. But I'd cross that bridge when I got to it.

Later that night as my mom was sitting on the couch, I came up to her with my test in my shaky hands. Before I even handed it to her, I lost it. I was balling. I started to explain to her how hard the test was and that I just didn't understand what was going on. And then I hit her with the bomb: "I got an E." She started laughing hysterically and asked me to repeat what I just said. Between sobs, I managed to say "E". She also managed to get out, in between laughs, "Honey, I don't think they have E's". "BUT MRS. GALLO DOES", I rebuttled.

Now I don't remember what happened next. I guess I probably should have followed up with momma before writing this. But it's funny, we all still think we can get away with the lies we tell. No matter how bad or how poorly planned. I just remember how confident I was that this would work: I could totally pull this one over on her. What a funny, weird little knobby kneed girl I was. A dinosaur-hating girl, at that.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED SO FAR

Six weeks of Christmas vacation provides one with a lot of things. Netflix binges (as previously stated), extra pounds, and a whole lot of thinking. Thinking about lots of things. But in particular, how weird this stage of my life is. I'm not a kid, but I'm not really an adult. I have responsibilities, but I don't get much credit for them. I'm in love, but people say I'm too young to know that. And life right now is so incredibly uncertain. I feel like I can't plan for anything. All I can plan for is that eventually, sometime in the quickly approaching future, I will be graduating. And then after that? What do I want to do? I don't like deciding what to make for dinner, let alone where I go from here

I'm reading a book right now called The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. It's basically about why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them. It got me thinking (I told you....a LOT of thinking...) about all of the things that I have learned. So as a reminder to myself, I present you with:

1. Even if you tend to be a people pleaser, there are times where you can (and should) say no. 
2. If you don't feel like going out on a Saturday night, don't. Just because you feel like you should doesn't mean you want to. Know the difference. Wanting to watch a movie and get a full 8 hours of sleep doesn't make you a loser. Do what you want to do. 
3. Come to think of it, let's expand on this one. It's important to learn what you like and what you don't like. You might dedicate a good portion of your life to listening to a certain band. Or convincing yourself that you really do like sushi. But there's a very good chance that you might wake up one day and realize that your beloved band sucks (Jonas Brothers, it was a sad, sad realization). And sushi sucks even more. And maybe you like Star Trek. And that nerdy guy with the beard working at the grocery store? You think he's kind of hot. The "cool" things aren't always good, and the "weird" things aren't always bad. Be your own self. Make up your own mind. Life will be a lot easier.
4. When it comes to friends, it's quality over quantity. Unless you're looking to start a flash mob. Then you better get meetin people. 
5. If you're sad, let yourself feel it. Same goes for every emotion. I used to beat myself up if I felt sad or angry about something stupid. Blamed it on PMS or being tired, or whatever current ailment happened to be. But why? If you're feeling something, that's how you feel. Just let it happen.
6. Do the stupid shit. I mean, stay safe. But usually the "stupid shit" makes for the best memories...and stories. 
7. When you get a weird vibe from a potential/current beau, run far. And fast. Learn to trust your gut. Did you hear that, every girl on reality television EVER?
8. On the other hand, when you get a "good, really awesome, constant-butterflies-in-your-stomach" kind of vibe, go with it. Don't let your mind get in the way. You might get hurt, but then again you might not. Give it a shot. 
9. Your parents are usually right. But sometimes they're not. They aren't perfect (sorry, Mom). They're learning just like you are. They don't get a magical book with all of the answers when they have their first kid, they figure it out on the way. They might screw up sometimes, but don't fault them for that. They're trying their best to love you and help you. Sometimes the things they think are the best aren't the best for YOU. So ease up on them. And help them help you.
10. Life isn't a damn fashion show. Want to wear sweatpants to the movies? Do it. Don't feel like wearing makeup? Don't. You don't have to be "on" all the time. Although, it's usually when you're "off" that you run into that one girl from high school...

I wanted some other input, so I asked my best friend Rose if there was something that used to matter to her but didn't anymore. Her answer? "Brand name purses". And there ya have it, ladies and gents. 

SPECIES EXTINCT

Remember how cool mixed CDs were? There was so much meaning behind them. You knew how much your friend loved you based on the frequency of CDs you received, the number of songs on it, and the effort put into the decorating of the blank disc. You also had to make your own mixes with all of your sweet iTunes purchases. I remember the night before I went to get my driver's license, I spent hours perfecting the perfect "First CD of my Driving Career". I must have jinxed myself, because I failed the test the first time. But it went to great use about four days later when I finally received that beloved piece of plastic.

But the absolute best was when you got a mixed CD from a love interest. 15-20 romantic songs from their heart? And you undoubtedly pretended they wrote the lyrics themselves with you in mind, because they might as well have. There was just nothing better.

Sadly, these glorious things have become obsolete. The best you get these days is a playlist on Spotify, and that just seems sort of creepy. I thought about what five songs I would put on CDs for my people if it were still acceptable to give these out. Here's what I've got:

My BFF Rose:
1. That's Some Dream- Good Old War
2.  My Best Friend- Kate York
3. Golden Love- Midnight Youth
4. You Know Me- Air Traffic Controller
5. While The World Let Go- A Rocket To The Moon

David:
1. Something I Need- OneRepublic
2. Can't Help Falling in Love- Ingrid Michaelson
3. I'm Glad There is You- Jamie Cullum
4. No Matter Where You Are- Us
5. Til Kingdom Come- Coldplay

Momma & Poppa & Brotha
1. Father and Daughter- Paul Simon
2. Lullaby- Dixie Chicks
3. Best Day- Taylor Swift (so cheesy, but I had to)
4. Days Like This- Van Morrison
5. Fix You- Coldplay

WHY OH WHY did these things have to go extinct?

RESOLU-WHAT?

The ushering in of the New Year is always a time for making promises to yourself. And if you're anything like me, they become broken promises. Usually by the beginning of February (and that's being generous). So this year I made one and only one resolution: Do more of what makes me happy. Now I know that's super broad and vague, but how easy will it be to stick to it?! And great. Easy and great, a perfect combo. The options are endless, so there is zero chance of falling short. Woo hoo!
But for fun, here's a list of resolutions I would make if I trusted myself to keep them...
1. Stop crying at commercials. With the exception of Google commercials, you can still cry at Google commercials. Only because they are so damn GOOD. But everything is off limits. Get yourself together.
2. You're almost 21. You are an adult. Adding cinnamon to your coffee and milk to your scrambled eggs does not count as culinary brilliance. Broaden your talents a little bit. Starting with that crock pot that you got for Christmas last year that you've used...once.
3. Stop making your fridge a science experiment. If something smells, don't just plug your nose and proceed with caution. CLEAN YOUR FRIDGE. Ditto to the garbage.
4. Reduce the swearing. A lot.
5. No more Lifetime movies. They kill your soul. Not to mention your brain.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Hello, my long lost friends! I have been MIA, which is sort of funny because I was so excited to be posting a lot with my school-hiatus. But...ya know...Netflix happened. Not surprisingly, being more attentive to this here little blog is at the top of my New Years' Resolutions because it really makes me happy. Doing things that make me happy is my numero uno resolution for this year. So stay tuned, you will be hearing a lot more from me. Whether you like it or not!

Oh, and Happy New Year :)