WHY I COULD NEVER BE ON THE BACHELOR

Admitting that I watch "The Bachelor" is something that I will never do. Except I guess I just did. But just listen for a minute before you go thinkin I'm the kind of girl that watches The Bachelor. I had always prided myself on never seeing a single episode, didn't even have an ounce of interest. But last year I had a friend who was addicted to the show but she didn't have TV. She didn't think her poor little heart could hang on until the day after the episode would air to watch it online, so she would come over to my house on Monday nights to watch it. And I'm not just gonna let her watch it by herself. Obviously, I had to be a supportive friend and sit with her. It like sucks you in, okay? So yes. I did watch a season of The Bachelor. Sean and Catherine's season. And I loved every second of it. But I also hated myself for loving it. It was a major tug of war. I have not seen a season since then, and probably won't ever. But still, it happened.

I am also ashamed to admit that I tuned into the first half of Sean and Catherine's wedding special last night. What's worse? When I couldn't watch the second half, I recorded it. What's even worse than that? I CRIED when I watched the ceremony today after work. Sobbed. I'm a self proclaimed sap, but that's a new level even for me.



When I shamefully admitted to my roommate what I had done a mere hour before she got home (and had to walk away from the conversation when she cynically bet me they would be divorced in six months and were only doing it for the paycheck), we started talking about how awful it would be to be a contestant on that show. And here's why.

The Competition. I am a peacemaker. The most non-confrontational of sorts. At the first sign of conflict, I tend to run. That's not to say I don't like some healthy, all-in-good-fun competition. But this whole thing is cut throat as hell. I would die.



The Girls. That many girls fighting over the same hottie? That just sounds miserable. All the high maintenance-ness living in one house? Thanks but no thanks.




The Jealousy. Good God, this is reason enough for me to never apply. The thought of witnessing girls fawning over the guy you like, and having him reciprocate that flirtation is dreadful. You go out on a date with this guy, then 20 minutes after he gets home he's givin a rose to some other chick. Dejected. Not to mention walking in on him gettin frisky with the girl you share a room with. Just no.

The Attention. You are basically signing up for all of America to watch you get your heart broken by some Ken doll look alike. Call me crazy, but I can't think of something I would like less. And disclaimer: I am not a cute crier. America does not need to see that.

So to all those wondering minds: you will NEVER see me getting out of that limo hoping for a rose and a husband. Sorry if that was something you were really holding your breath for.

WHAT'S A LITTLE WHITE LIE

Lying. It's something we all do but refuse to admit it.

There's the "it's easier if you don't know the truth" lie ("No, that really looks good on you"), the "I don't want to talk" lie ("I'm fine."), the "get out of stuff lie" ("Something came up").



But my favorite is the "oh shit, I'm in trouble" lie. These are the most interesting because once you start, you just can't stop. It's like quick sand; you just keep getting deeper and deeper until you can't climb your way out. Even when you know you're busted, you just can't seem to stop. LORDY THE WORD VOMIT.

My hall of fame-r in this category was from my fourth grade self. Little background for you, science and I hate each other. Probably closer to despise. Loathe. You get the picture. Even in my tot years, I didn't get it. We were on the dinosaur chapter and I was just lost. I mean, think about it. How is a 9 year old supposed to wrap her head around the idea of an enormous creature that just doesn't exist anymore? No explanation, the beasts just vanished. Riddle me that.

Anyways. At the end of the chapter, we had a test. And it was haaaaard. I remember nervously rearranging all 2,800 lip glosses that were lined up inside of my desk (a girl's gotta have options) as I waited for Mrs. Gallo to waddle her way over to me to hand back my test. Talk about a mental image. When she finally plopped it down in front of me, I slowly turned it over to peak. On the top of it was a big, fat, red F. As the tears started forming in my sweet little eyeballs, I started to think about how I was going to explain this to my mom. And I came up with the perfect idea. I would turn the F into an E. E comes before F, so obviously it's not as bad. I mean, it's bad. But it's not F bad. So I took out my red pen and sneakily added that extra line at the bottom to magically transform that horrible letter. Our teacher made all us bring of our tests back the next day signed by a parent. What would I do when Mrs. Gallo noticed a different grade on the top of my paper? I hadn't quite figured that out yet. But I'd cross that bridge when I got to it.

Later that night as my mom was sitting on the couch, I came up to her with my test in my shaky hands. Before I even handed it to her, I lost it. I was balling. I started to explain to her how hard the test was and that I just didn't understand what was going on. And then I hit her with the bomb: "I got an E." She started laughing hysterically and asked me to repeat what I just said. Between sobs, I managed to say "E". She also managed to get out, in between laughs, "Honey, I don't think they have E's". "BUT MRS. GALLO DOES", I rebuttled.

Now I don't remember what happened next. I guess I probably should have followed up with momma before writing this. But it's funny, we all still think we can get away with the lies we tell. No matter how bad or how poorly planned. I just remember how confident I was that this would work: I could totally pull this one over on her. What a funny, weird little knobby kneed girl I was. A dinosaur-hating girl, at that.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED SO FAR

Six weeks of Christmas vacation provides one with a lot of things. Netflix binges (as previously stated), extra pounds, and a whole lot of thinking. Thinking about lots of things. But in particular, how weird this stage of my life is. I'm not a kid, but I'm not really an adult. I have responsibilities, but I don't get much credit for them. I'm in love, but people say I'm too young to know that. And life right now is so incredibly uncertain. I feel like I can't plan for anything. All I can plan for is that eventually, sometime in the quickly approaching future, I will be graduating. And then after that? What do I want to do? I don't like deciding what to make for dinner, let alone where I go from here

I'm reading a book right now called The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. It's basically about why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them. It got me thinking (I told you....a LOT of thinking...) about all of the things that I have learned. So as a reminder to myself, I present you with:

1. Even if you tend to be a people pleaser, there are times where you can (and should) say no. 
2. If you don't feel like going out on a Saturday night, don't. Just because you feel like you should doesn't mean you want to. Know the difference. Wanting to watch a movie and get a full 8 hours of sleep doesn't make you a loser. Do what you want to do. 
3. Come to think of it, let's expand on this one. It's important to learn what you like and what you don't like. You might dedicate a good portion of your life to listening to a certain band. Or convincing yourself that you really do like sushi. But there's a very good chance that you might wake up one day and realize that your beloved band sucks (Jonas Brothers, it was a sad, sad realization). And sushi sucks even more. And maybe you like Star Trek. And that nerdy guy with the beard working at the grocery store? You think he's kind of hot. The "cool" things aren't always good, and the "weird" things aren't always bad. Be your own self. Make up your own mind. Life will be a lot easier.
4. When it comes to friends, it's quality over quantity. Unless you're looking to start a flash mob. Then you better get meetin people. 
5. If you're sad, let yourself feel it. Same goes for every emotion. I used to beat myself up if I felt sad or angry about something stupid. Blamed it on PMS or being tired, or whatever current ailment happened to be. But why? If you're feeling something, that's how you feel. Just let it happen.
6. Do the stupid shit. I mean, stay safe. But usually the "stupid shit" makes for the best memories...and stories. 
7. When you get a weird vibe from a potential/current beau, run far. And fast. Learn to trust your gut. Did you hear that, every girl on reality television EVER?
8. On the other hand, when you get a "good, really awesome, constant-butterflies-in-your-stomach" kind of vibe, go with it. Don't let your mind get in the way. You might get hurt, but then again you might not. Give it a shot. 
9. Your parents are usually right. But sometimes they're not. They aren't perfect (sorry, Mom). They're learning just like you are. They don't get a magical book with all of the answers when they have their first kid, they figure it out on the way. They might screw up sometimes, but don't fault them for that. They're trying their best to love you and help you. Sometimes the things they think are the best aren't the best for YOU. So ease up on them. And help them help you.
10. Life isn't a damn fashion show. Want to wear sweatpants to the movies? Do it. Don't feel like wearing makeup? Don't. You don't have to be "on" all the time. Although, it's usually when you're "off" that you run into that one girl from high school...

I wanted some other input, so I asked my best friend Rose if there was something that used to matter to her but didn't anymore. Her answer? "Brand name purses". And there ya have it, ladies and gents. 

SPECIES EXTINCT

Remember how cool mixed CDs were? There was so much meaning behind them. You knew how much your friend loved you based on the frequency of CDs you received, the number of songs on it, and the effort put into the decorating of the blank disc. You also had to make your own mixes with all of your sweet iTunes purchases. I remember the night before I went to get my driver's license, I spent hours perfecting the perfect "First CD of my Driving Career". I must have jinxed myself, because I failed the test the first time. But it went to great use about four days later when I finally received that beloved piece of plastic.

But the absolute best was when you got a mixed CD from a love interest. 15-20 romantic songs from their heart? And you undoubtedly pretended they wrote the lyrics themselves with you in mind, because they might as well have. There was just nothing better.

Sadly, these glorious things have become obsolete. The best you get these days is a playlist on Spotify, and that just seems sort of creepy. I thought about what five songs I would put on CDs for my people if it were still acceptable to give these out. Here's what I've got:

My BFF Rose:
1. That's Some Dream- Good Old War
2.  My Best Friend- Kate York
3. Golden Love- Midnight Youth
4. You Know Me- Air Traffic Controller
5. While The World Let Go- A Rocket To The Moon

David:
1. Something I Need- OneRepublic
2. Can't Help Falling in Love- Ingrid Michaelson
3. I'm Glad There is You- Jamie Cullum
4. No Matter Where You Are- Us
5. Til Kingdom Come- Coldplay

Momma & Poppa & Brotha
1. Father and Daughter- Paul Simon
2. Lullaby- Dixie Chicks
3. Best Day- Taylor Swift (so cheesy, but I had to)
4. Days Like This- Van Morrison
5. Fix You- Coldplay

WHY OH WHY did these things have to go extinct?

RESOLU-WHAT?

The ushering in of the New Year is always a time for making promises to yourself. And if you're anything like me, they become broken promises. Usually by the beginning of February (and that's being generous). So this year I made one and only one resolution: Do more of what makes me happy. Now I know that's super broad and vague, but how easy will it be to stick to it?! And great. Easy and great, a perfect combo. The options are endless, so there is zero chance of falling short. Woo hoo!
But for fun, here's a list of resolutions I would make if I trusted myself to keep them...
1. Stop crying at commercials. With the exception of Google commercials, you can still cry at Google commercials. Only because they are so damn GOOD. But everything is off limits. Get yourself together.
2. You're almost 21. You are an adult. Adding cinnamon to your coffee and milk to your scrambled eggs does not count as culinary brilliance. Broaden your talents a little bit. Starting with that crock pot that you got for Christmas last year that you've used...once.
3. Stop making your fridge a science experiment. If something smells, don't just plug your nose and proceed with caution. CLEAN YOUR FRIDGE. Ditto to the garbage.
4. Reduce the swearing. A lot.
5. No more Lifetime movies. They kill your soul. Not to mention your brain.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Hello, my long lost friends! I have been MIA, which is sort of funny because I was so excited to be posting a lot with my school-hiatus. But...ya know...Netflix happened. Not surprisingly, being more attentive to this here little blog is at the top of my New Years' Resolutions because it really makes me happy. Doing things that make me happy is my numero uno resolution for this year. So stay tuned, you will be hearing a lot more from me. Whether you like it or not!

Oh, and Happy New Year :)