START A REVOLUTION

If you were to ask me what one of my least favorite activities in the history of ever is, the first thing out of my mouth would undoubtedly be "dress shopping". I have never liked it; it was never a source of excitement for me. In fact, it was always the opposite. Every year in high school, homecoming and prom season would cyclically roll around. And the dreadful day when my mom and I would trek out to the mall to find a dress, usually last minute because I would try to put it off as long as I could. With that day came stress, frustration, and by the end of the it, tears. I have never loved my body. There is not a single time I can think back to where I was satisfied with what I saw in the mirror, to be totally honest. The inheritance of my mom's giant boobs arrived at the god-awfully embarrassing age of 14. This may sound appealing to a lot of girls, but trust me. They're far more hassle than their worth. I was always the girl that could never wear the "cool" tops from Abercrombie, because I would look like a chesty whore bag in them. In grade school and high school I was surrounded by all of my impossibly skinny friends. And as desperately as I hoped that would be me, it just wasn't in the cards. I never have been, and never will be, a stick. Although secretly, I'll never give up hope that someday I'll wake up and the Magical Skinny Fairy will have sprinkled me with some of her magic dust.

Now this isn't supposed to be a whiney, cry me a river kind of tale. I know that everyone wants what they can't have. But the other day, I had one of those mornings where you just can't decide what to wear because you suddenly hate how everything in your closet looks on you. Familiar with these mornings? Anyways, I got into work discouraged, angrily sat down at my computer, and opened the daily office update email from our office manager. She closes every update with an encouraging, usually painfully cheesy, quote. The one that day, however, wasn't cheesy at all. It was a Carrie Bradshaw quote from Sex and the City that was eerily fitting for my currently dreadful day: "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that YOU love, well, that's just fabulous."

Not only can I see every kind of relationship that she describes at play in my own life, but it added some unexpected perspective into my life at 9 AM on a Friday morning. I would be so pissed if someone in my life were to start talking shit about me. So what makes it okay for ME to talk shit about me? If I talked to my friends like I talk to myself, I would have no friends left. Every person I know has that one thing that they hate about themselves, even if they don't openly admit it; maybe it's something about their appearance, or that they aren't as smart as they wish they were, or maybe their family life is screwed up. The point is, EVERYONE has those things they are insecure about. There are so few people in this world that truly love and appreciate everything about themselves. And that's okay, it's normal. But I think when people start thinking they're not worthy of as much as others, that's when there's a problem. And I am totally and completely guilty of falling into this category. That's so screwed up.

So often in conversations with girlfriends, not only do I hear them talking badly about themselves, but I hear them commenting on other girls. "Wow, she got big." "Her acne is out of control." "Why does she think that outfit looks cute?" I'm guilty of the gossip, too. I'll admit it. But what are we doing? WHY IN THE HELL ARE WE SO CRITICAL OF EACH OTHER? It's like we're setting each other up for failure. Being a girl is tough enough as it is, why do we have to add all this pressure to each other? Why can't we just be supportive of each other? It's stupid. And it's borderline bullying, but that is a rant for a different time, because I could go on for days.

Bottom line: I've decided to challenge myself to stop beating myself up about my weight. I know that I'm healthy; I work out regularly, I eat relatively well. I know that it's not a medical issue. But I need to improve my relationship with my body. I have to stop focusing on what I don't love about myself, and focus on what I do. Because I genuinely do love who I am and who I'm turning into, and I'm proud of myself and my accomplishments. I'm also promising to stop judging other girls. I just feel like it's the least we can do to help each other out. I would love for y'all to join me.

WEIRD...

This is just sort of an add-on to my last post. A plus one, if you will. I was walking to work yesterday with my headphones in, trying to jam my way awake at 7:45 AM. As I was starting to become semi-conscious, the song "Love Away" by Capital Cities started playing. Instead of just letting it be background music like I tend to do, something made me listen to the words. I quickly realized how relevant it was to my last post. It sums up everything I was trying to say, except with a catchy tune. So I thought I'd pass it along! Click on the link below :)

"Love Away"-Capital Cities

SURROUNDINGS

The other night, in a post-workout exhaustion, my roommate and I were lying dead on the couch flipping channels. We stumbled across the premiere of Lindsay Lohan's interview with Oprah as the opening credits were rolling (don't you love when that happens?) Now I'm not even going to begin to discuss the incredibly phenomenal job Lindsay's PR person is doing, because I could go on for hours. But seriously though! It takes a serious miracle worker to begin pulling Lindsay out of that immense pile of shit she's buried herself in. Yet within days of getting out of rehab for the FOURTH time, she's appearing on the Chelsea Handler show and sitting down with Oprah for a one-on-one interview. She's getting some love, friendship, and understanding from the queen of comedy and the queen of....well....the world. If that's not miracle working, I'm not sure what is. Okay, I'll stop geeking out. Lindsay Lohan, unfortunately, isn't even the topic of this post.

Right after Cate and I subconsciously decided we would be spending the rest of the night glued to Oprah's marathon of interviews (please hesitate before you judge me), Carrie Underwood's interview came on. I just love her, but who doesn't? She showed Oprah around her GORGEOUS rustic house right outside of Nashville, as I was drooling of envy the whole time. Although you might not be able to guess this just after my admission of my Oprah-overload, I really am not a fan of hers. She is just way too much person for me and she always seems to bring every interview question back to herself. However. She asked Carrie a question that sort of impressed me, although maybe it was just Carrie's answer that made the difference. Either way. She asked, "What word or virtue best describes what matters most to you?" (Well played, Oprah.) The way Carrie answered was just so simplistic and spot on. After pausing for just a beat, she responded, "Love. If you love somebody, if you love people, if you love your surroundings, everything else, all that other stuff will happen naturally. If you love somebody you're going to be honest with them. If you respect and love your surroundings, you're going to treat them right. It's all about loving people and just openness and acceptance and love".

GOD, AS IF SHE COULDN'T GET ANY COOLER. Is this not an awesome way to think, or what? And when you think about it in terms of your own life, chances are it's dead on. It's so logical that you think it almost goes without saying, but then she says it and a light bulb goes off. If you love your house, you're going to keep it clean. If you love the park you run through every night, you're going to hold on to that empty water bottle until you find a recycling bin instead of tossing it on the ground. If you love your significant other, or friend, or family member, you are going to treat them with respect. You will be honest and open, and make them a priority. And if there is not love, well....then you don't. It's as simple as that. If you love it, you will treat it well. Even on a greater scale. Think about how much of a difference it makes when you love the people you work with, or you love your professor, or you love that coffee shop you're sitting in while doing that work you've been dreading doing all week? Things are just better; your outlook is brighter. Things seem doable, maybe even pleasant. But if your office is dingy and drafty with horrible lighting, or you're fighting with someone at home, or the guy at the gas station was just an inexplicable prick, things don't seem that great. You get bummed and pissed, and your day just seems bad. At least if you're anything like me, this is true. Your surroundings and the people around are so influential on your happiness and attitude. This might not have been exactly what she was getting at, but that's where my mind went with it.

Maybe love isn't at the heart of everything you do. But wouldn't it be nice if it was? Wouldn't it be simpler? If you did all things with love? Not that this is an easy thing to do, by any means. It would be really tough. But I think sometimes you can choose to love. Now I don't mean you can choose to be IN love with someone, that's totally different. It's not even possible. But I do think that you can choose to change your outlook on things or people, and hopefully that results in a degree of love. Allow me to explain. Let's go back to the poor dingy office example. You HATE your work environment. You don't enjoy the people, you aren't fulfilled by your work, and your office just makes you want to cry. It's not totally out of your control. While you can't exactly change the people you work with, you could strike up a friendly conversation with that quiet person in the cubicle near yours, ask them to grab lunch with you. Add some flowers to your desk, light a candle, change the lamp. You might be surprised what it will do to you. I won't go so far as to say you will suddenly be in love with what you're doing, but maybe you won't hate it like you did before. You can't change your situation, but you can try to change your attitude. And that's the second best thing.

GOIN TO THE CHAPEL

NOT ME. That title may have been deceiving....my apologies. I did walk down the aisle a few days ago, but I was not the one wearing white. My very, very dear family friend Hillary and her man Atlee tied the knot, and I had the honor of being a bridesmaid. It was a great weekend filled with love, dancing, and drinking. The best kind of weekends, in my humble opinion. David was back home in St. Louis, so I was dateless; but it was still a gas. Hillary has always been like my big sister. Our dads were best friends in high school, and still have the cutest "bromance" I've ever seen. He's my brother's godfather, and their family has had an incredible influence in my life. They were an unbelievable support system when my anxiety was really bad, and I think that tough experience brought our families even closer than we were before. They truly are family. So it's been really cool to see Hillary marry such an awesome guy.

   Hillary and I bringin in the cash at our lemonade stand

 back in the day

Rehearsal dinner fun

Hillary's sister Melissa, my partner in crime, and her boyfriend Ryan. Three amigos

All the bridesmaids

Meliss and I

Niiiiiick 

The new Mr. & Mrs.

As soon as I got back from the wedding weekend, my new roommate Cate moved in. So happy she's here! My last roommate moved out a few months ago, and I've been flying solo since then. I like my alone time as much as the next person, but that was far too much of a good thing. Cate and I actually went to high school together, we both came to DePaul, but then drifted apart. We both sort of just got into different things and different groups of friends. We reconnected a while ago, and it has been really awesome to get close with her again. She introduced me to David, so I owe her big time. It's been pretty crazy around here figuring out the move, and then just putting our apartment back together. But it's coming along! I'll be posting an apartment tour on here in the next few days, as soon as this place looks semi presentable... ;)

Moving day-eve treats 

The new roomies paint: before

Painting after! 

Two girls and a Uhaul. Quite the terrifying experience.....

What a skyline

Cate and I high school style

Cate and I college style. Pretty cool