JUST SIT AND BE

So I feel a little bit like the prodigal son. Every once in a while I'll wander away from this blog, but I always find my way back. And it always welcomes me with open arms. At least, I feel like it does...

Okay, sorry for the Christian humor. Anyways. I could come up with a thousand excuses as to why I haven't been posting regularly on here for, oh...a while. The truth is that life gets in the way. And then more life decides to hop on and pretty soon it's this really heavy thing on your back. And sometimes I just don't handle it well. I get stressed out and freak out and it's not fun for anyone involved. That's sort of hard to admit; I like to pretend that I'm this super strong bionic wonderwoman who can take on the world and say yes to everything. But that just isn't me. I have a limit, a definite boundary. And the hardest part for me is that boundary is different than other people's. I see other people taking a full course load with two jobs who are managing just fine. So why is that when I do this, eventually I start to topple over? I don't like feeling less capable than others.

The funniest part is that I get stressed when I have nothing to do. What kind of freak of nature gets anxious when they can just sit around and binge on Netflix? This girl. This past weekend, David was out of town. The stars aligned in some really freaky way and every single one of my friends was busy. I didn't have to work and I had finished most of my homework (except for the reading, because let's be honest....does ANYONE actually do the assigned reading?). And you know what I did? I had a meltdown. A full fledged, crying, meltdown. BECAUSE I HAD NOTHING TO DO. I was lonely, and bored, and sitting with myself freaked me out. I am so used to constantly going that when I am not going, I apparently meltdown. I can't be still.



I've been having some weird health-y type stuff going on for a long time now and after a ton of tests, all signs are pointing to stress and anxiety as the dirty, douchey culprit. So when my body is physically telling me to slow the hell down, maybe it's not something to ignore.

So I've had to rearrange some things in my life to better suit ME. What I can handle, but more so what I can't handle. Also I think I need to practice sitting down with a cup of coffee and a book and relaxing for a little bit. OH DARN...