I CAN'T EVEN

I'd like to consider myself a fairly nice person; everyday I strive for kindness. But no matter how hard I try, there are just some things that drive me absolutely nuts. Some of them, rightfully so; others for no reason at all. While I was at the gym this afternoon, numbers one and two took place right in front of my very eyeballs. It got me thinking about other things that make my blood boil. So here is a thoughtfully compiled list of my pet peeves. If any of the following apply to you, please don't take it personally. I'm sure you're great people, despite the flaws...

1. Girls who wear skanky clothes to the gym. Girls who wear skanky clothes anywhere, really. How is that even comfortable? YOU'VE GOT A ROCKIN BOD. WE GET IT. There is zero need to broadcast an already blatant fact by wearing a sports bra and skimpy spandex while you are barely moving on the treadmill. You make other girls feel really shitty about themselves. So thanks for that. (Only exception: Halloween)

While we're on the gym topic...

2. People who watch other people workout. Why are you concerned with how many calories I'm burning on my elliptical? Keep your judgey eyes away from me and on your own damn machine! My 5.5 mph pace on my treadmill works just fine for my abnormally short legs, thank you.

3. Tourists. I feel bad admitting this one, because it's kind of mean. But I'm sure my fellow city folk can feel me on this one. I understand that you don't know where you're going, you're not on any time frame, and you're busy looking around at your cool surroundings. But I do, I am, and I'm not. When I am running late for class and desperately need to get on the L and fast, please please PLEASE don't stand around gawking at things on the platform. I feel guilty saying this bothers me, because it's kind of like the "freshman effect". We've all been there, we know how it feels to be that confused, excited person; yet when it's not us, we are the first ones to get annoyed. So I should probably work on this one.

4. Joan Rivers on E!'s Fashion Police. She's a big mean bully and her jokes are terrible. She makes me more angry than she should. I think it's because I would really like the show if she had no part in it. Giuliana Rancic is my girl.

5. Cops. I know, I know, this is un-American and wrong on several levels. But they just rub me the wrong way. Granted, there have been a few times that cops really saved the day for me. But what drives me nuts is how hypocritical they are! Going 80 mph to catch up to a guy going 65 and give him a ticket? How in the world does that make any sense. They just seem like creepy little sneaks to me. Plus all the guys I've ever known who are working towards becoming cops have very questionable morals, at best. I guess I'm a little biased.

6. When people don't like my favorite shows, movies, music, etc. Just why? I feel like I have to stand up for whatever it is that I love and sell the shit out of it. "But that ENDING!" Great example: Rose and I recently had a disagreement about "The Place Beyond the Pines" with Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper. First of all, yummy. How can you go wrong with the two best looking males known to womenkind? Secondly, the story line was absolutely phenomenal. The twists, the way the stories of the two characters intertwined, I died. One of my favorite movies of all time, by far. And Rose HATED it. More accurately, she loathed and detested it. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely got angry with her. I was so pissed that she couldn't see how fan-fricken-tastic it was. I got over it quickly, but still. The rage was undoubtedly there.

7. Bullying. Not only is this one of my biggest pet peeves, but I just cannot wrap my head around it. I don't think I ever will, either; I'm not holding my breath. There is NO excuse for it. None. There just isn't. It's cruel and life changing. It is crazy to me what parents allow their children to get away with. Now I'm not a parent, and I don't claim to know how to be one. But there are some things that are just common sense to me. On one of my last quick trips back home, I saw a bumper sticker that said "My kid beats up your honor student". And we wonder where bullying starts. Kids imitate what they see and hear from their parents. I think a lot of times kids don't realize how much damage the things they say and do have on their peers. So many kids are afraid to go to school today because they are afraid they're going to get hurt, laughed at, hear rumors about themselves, the list goes on. It hurts my heart more than anything else in this world.

8. Seeing couples on their phones at dinner. Why?! Who could you possibly be texting for an hour + that is that critically important? Is checking your Facebook or Twitter or Instagram totally necessary at this exact moment? Enjoy the time you have with your significant other! That's why you're dating them. If you can't stand to sit, look at them and have a conversation for an hour and a half, then you probably have some things to re-evalute.

Okay. I think I got it all off my chest. Who am I kidding, that's not even close to all. But it's all I've got for now.

HATE TO SAY IT, BUT IT'S TRUE

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 This post is one I've been trying to figure out how to tackle for a really long time. It's hard to say what I'm thinking without sounding horribly cliché. So I'm just going to go ahead and get the biggest cliché out of the way first: I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. But whenever I'm dealing with a tough situation and someone says this to me, I have a strong desire to slap them. This is why I've debated writing about this for so long. Me saying "Everything happens for a reason, just hang in there" is not going to help anyone going through anything. It's only going to piss them off. So I guess I'm just going to try to defend my seemingly generic stance.

There is not a single thing that I have gone through or dealt with in my life, good, bad or indifferent, that I wish hadn't happened. I'm not going to bullshit you and tell you that there haven't been times where I wished with every single fiber of my being that I was out of the situation I was in. I've prayed for fast forward buttons, undo buttons, miracles. But at some point, you come out on the other side of the hurt. You stop wishing you had gotten into the ONE AND ONLY university that didn't accept you, maybe you don't think about "the one that got away" every day anymore, whatever the case may be. Sometimes you don't even notice that things are better, the hurt sort of just subtly dulls.

I feel like I've been talking about Carrie Underwood a lot lately. But she's so fab, I don't even feel bad. A line in one of her songs that resonated with me is, "As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt, thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved". Ain't that the truth. We always think we know what's best for us. We are so sure of the right significant other for us, the right job for us, the right life path in general. And when things don't go how we saw them going, we get pissed. Because we were entitled to that "right" thing. We deserved that.

Everything I thought I deserved but didn't get, in the end I am always able to realize why it didn't work out. That boy who I thought I was meant for turned out to be nowhere near the person I thought he was. And it has led me to a much different person, thank God. Being rejected by my number one school was heartbreaking, but I came to realize I wanted to go there for all the wrong reasons. And I ended up exactly where I am supposed to be, doing things I never even thought I could do. Friendships ended, but that led to even better ones, and I was able to start to learn who I am as a person. Even my anxiety comes full circle. Like I've said before, I wouldn't wish that time of my life on my worst enemy, nor do I want to redo it. But it made me a stronger person; I am who I am because of that. Even if the only thing you can say on the other side of trouble is "I am stronger for this", I think it's worth it.

I am so in love with where I am in my life right now that there is not a single thing I would have changed, because it might not have led me to where I am right this second. And that would just be a damn shame.

NEW SCHOOL YEAR RESOLUTIONS

This is what my life is going to look like for the next, oh....10 weeks. School is officially back in session, and I'm nowhere near getting in the swing of things. Usually when I finally do, it's just in time for finals. How convenient. This should be quite the interesting quarter, though; I have a full course load, two jobs, a relationship, and hopefully a social life. We'll see how this goes.

But before things start to get really crazy, I thought I'd take a second to come up with a "New School Year's Resolution" list. Honestly, I was very ready to go back to school this year. If you know me, that sentence may come as a bit of a shock. As my mom so endearingly reacted, "Who the hell are you and what have you done with my daughter?" It's funny how different things are in college when you get to do your own thing, make your own schedule, and ENJOY what you're learning.

Even when I hated going to school, I always saw the new school year as an opportunity for change and growth. The night before the first day, I would lay in bed staring nervously at the ceiling, dreading the next day. But in those few sleepless hours, I would always make big promises to myself: finally get an A in science, keep my locker organized, write down everything in my planner, do my homework as soon as I got home from school, go for a run every night before dinner. Usually these were distant memories by the end of September. But I always gave it some solid effort.

This year is no different. Scratch that, it's actually a lot different. I was sleepless the night before classes because I was excited, I had a great outfit planned out for the morning (funny how that will make it so much easier for a girl to get out of bed at 8 AM), and I walked confidently into each class on the first day. What DIDN'T change was my pesky list of resolutions. So instead of letting them drift off into the Land of Forsaken Start of School Promises, I thought I would take a few minutes before things get really hectic and write them down. I feel like I will be held more accountable this way. We'll see if this works...

Liz's New School Year's Resolutions

1. Actually READ the assigned readings for each class. Don't skim, don't skip, read. How brutal.
2. Be more patient with people in group projects. Not everyone is going to have the same work ethic you do, now get over it.
3. Figure out how to balance school, work, boyfriend, friends. It's juggling time.
4. Write everything down in your planner, even the things you think you'll remember. And reference said planner. Or face the wrath of forgetfulness.
5. Wake up each morning and think a positive thought. Even if you only half believe it.
6. Get the promotion at work.
7. Land an internship...then figure out how to add that into the juggling game. 
8. Work out 4-5 times a week. But don't beat yourself up if you don't get there. Just do what you can.
9. Try to eat relatively healthy. But again, don't be afraid of pizza. Or pasta. Or Nutella. Sometimes you just need them to keep trucking. 
10. Keep up with your blog. 
11. Don't stop reading books just for fun. You love that. Don't lose time for it. 
12. Take advantage of more concerts in the city.
13. Take more pictures. Even if you don't think they're good, snap away. It's fun to look back. 
14. Keep your apartment clean. You feel so much better when it is, and you always wonder why you don't keep it that way. Plus it's much more fun to light a candle when there isn't shit everywhere.
15. Let this be the year you stick to your list. 

START A REVOLUTION

If you were to ask me what one of my least favorite activities in the history of ever is, the first thing out of my mouth would undoubtedly be "dress shopping". I have never liked it; it was never a source of excitement for me. In fact, it was always the opposite. Every year in high school, homecoming and prom season would cyclically roll around. And the dreadful day when my mom and I would trek out to the mall to find a dress, usually last minute because I would try to put it off as long as I could. With that day came stress, frustration, and by the end of the it, tears. I have never loved my body. There is not a single time I can think back to where I was satisfied with what I saw in the mirror, to be totally honest. The inheritance of my mom's giant boobs arrived at the god-awfully embarrassing age of 14. This may sound appealing to a lot of girls, but trust me. They're far more hassle than their worth. I was always the girl that could never wear the "cool" tops from Abercrombie, because I would look like a chesty whore bag in them. In grade school and high school I was surrounded by all of my impossibly skinny friends. And as desperately as I hoped that would be me, it just wasn't in the cards. I never have been, and never will be, a stick. Although secretly, I'll never give up hope that someday I'll wake up and the Magical Skinny Fairy will have sprinkled me with some of her magic dust.

Now this isn't supposed to be a whiney, cry me a river kind of tale. I know that everyone wants what they can't have. But the other day, I had one of those mornings where you just can't decide what to wear because you suddenly hate how everything in your closet looks on you. Familiar with these mornings? Anyways, I got into work discouraged, angrily sat down at my computer, and opened the daily office update email from our office manager. She closes every update with an encouraging, usually painfully cheesy, quote. The one that day, however, wasn't cheesy at all. It was a Carrie Bradshaw quote from Sex and the City that was eerily fitting for my currently dreadful day: "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that YOU love, well, that's just fabulous."

Not only can I see every kind of relationship that she describes at play in my own life, but it added some unexpected perspective into my life at 9 AM on a Friday morning. I would be so pissed if someone in my life were to start talking shit about me. So what makes it okay for ME to talk shit about me? If I talked to my friends like I talk to myself, I would have no friends left. Every person I know has that one thing that they hate about themselves, even if they don't openly admit it; maybe it's something about their appearance, or that they aren't as smart as they wish they were, or maybe their family life is screwed up. The point is, EVERYONE has those things they are insecure about. There are so few people in this world that truly love and appreciate everything about themselves. And that's okay, it's normal. But I think when people start thinking they're not worthy of as much as others, that's when there's a problem. And I am totally and completely guilty of falling into this category. That's so screwed up.

So often in conversations with girlfriends, not only do I hear them talking badly about themselves, but I hear them commenting on other girls. "Wow, she got big." "Her acne is out of control." "Why does she think that outfit looks cute?" I'm guilty of the gossip, too. I'll admit it. But what are we doing? WHY IN THE HELL ARE WE SO CRITICAL OF EACH OTHER? It's like we're setting each other up for failure. Being a girl is tough enough as it is, why do we have to add all this pressure to each other? Why can't we just be supportive of each other? It's stupid. And it's borderline bullying, but that is a rant for a different time, because I could go on for days.

Bottom line: I've decided to challenge myself to stop beating myself up about my weight. I know that I'm healthy; I work out regularly, I eat relatively well. I know that it's not a medical issue. But I need to improve my relationship with my body. I have to stop focusing on what I don't love about myself, and focus on what I do. Because I genuinely do love who I am and who I'm turning into, and I'm proud of myself and my accomplishments. I'm also promising to stop judging other girls. I just feel like it's the least we can do to help each other out. I would love for y'all to join me.

WEIRD...

This is just sort of an add-on to my last post. A plus one, if you will. I was walking to work yesterday with my headphones in, trying to jam my way awake at 7:45 AM. As I was starting to become semi-conscious, the song "Love Away" by Capital Cities started playing. Instead of just letting it be background music like I tend to do, something made me listen to the words. I quickly realized how relevant it was to my last post. It sums up everything I was trying to say, except with a catchy tune. So I thought I'd pass it along! Click on the link below :)

"Love Away"-Capital Cities

SURROUNDINGS

The other night, in a post-workout exhaustion, my roommate and I were lying dead on the couch flipping channels. We stumbled across the premiere of Lindsay Lohan's interview with Oprah as the opening credits were rolling (don't you love when that happens?) Now I'm not even going to begin to discuss the incredibly phenomenal job Lindsay's PR person is doing, because I could go on for hours. But seriously though! It takes a serious miracle worker to begin pulling Lindsay out of that immense pile of shit she's buried herself in. Yet within days of getting out of rehab for the FOURTH time, she's appearing on the Chelsea Handler show and sitting down with Oprah for a one-on-one interview. She's getting some love, friendship, and understanding from the queen of comedy and the queen of....well....the world. If that's not miracle working, I'm not sure what is. Okay, I'll stop geeking out. Lindsay Lohan, unfortunately, isn't even the topic of this post.

Right after Cate and I subconsciously decided we would be spending the rest of the night glued to Oprah's marathon of interviews (please hesitate before you judge me), Carrie Underwood's interview came on. I just love her, but who doesn't? She showed Oprah around her GORGEOUS rustic house right outside of Nashville, as I was drooling of envy the whole time. Although you might not be able to guess this just after my admission of my Oprah-overload, I really am not a fan of hers. She is just way too much person for me and she always seems to bring every interview question back to herself. However. She asked Carrie a question that sort of impressed me, although maybe it was just Carrie's answer that made the difference. Either way. She asked, "What word or virtue best describes what matters most to you?" (Well played, Oprah.) The way Carrie answered was just so simplistic and spot on. After pausing for just a beat, she responded, "Love. If you love somebody, if you love people, if you love your surroundings, everything else, all that other stuff will happen naturally. If you love somebody you're going to be honest with them. If you respect and love your surroundings, you're going to treat them right. It's all about loving people and just openness and acceptance and love".

GOD, AS IF SHE COULDN'T GET ANY COOLER. Is this not an awesome way to think, or what? And when you think about it in terms of your own life, chances are it's dead on. It's so logical that you think it almost goes without saying, but then she says it and a light bulb goes off. If you love your house, you're going to keep it clean. If you love the park you run through every night, you're going to hold on to that empty water bottle until you find a recycling bin instead of tossing it on the ground. If you love your significant other, or friend, or family member, you are going to treat them with respect. You will be honest and open, and make them a priority. And if there is not love, well....then you don't. It's as simple as that. If you love it, you will treat it well. Even on a greater scale. Think about how much of a difference it makes when you love the people you work with, or you love your professor, or you love that coffee shop you're sitting in while doing that work you've been dreading doing all week? Things are just better; your outlook is brighter. Things seem doable, maybe even pleasant. But if your office is dingy and drafty with horrible lighting, or you're fighting with someone at home, or the guy at the gas station was just an inexplicable prick, things don't seem that great. You get bummed and pissed, and your day just seems bad. At least if you're anything like me, this is true. Your surroundings and the people around are so influential on your happiness and attitude. This might not have been exactly what she was getting at, but that's where my mind went with it.

Maybe love isn't at the heart of everything you do. But wouldn't it be nice if it was? Wouldn't it be simpler? If you did all things with love? Not that this is an easy thing to do, by any means. It would be really tough. But I think sometimes you can choose to love. Now I don't mean you can choose to be IN love with someone, that's totally different. It's not even possible. But I do think that you can choose to change your outlook on things or people, and hopefully that results in a degree of love. Allow me to explain. Let's go back to the poor dingy office example. You HATE your work environment. You don't enjoy the people, you aren't fulfilled by your work, and your office just makes you want to cry. It's not totally out of your control. While you can't exactly change the people you work with, you could strike up a friendly conversation with that quiet person in the cubicle near yours, ask them to grab lunch with you. Add some flowers to your desk, light a candle, change the lamp. You might be surprised what it will do to you. I won't go so far as to say you will suddenly be in love with what you're doing, but maybe you won't hate it like you did before. You can't change your situation, but you can try to change your attitude. And that's the second best thing.

GOIN TO THE CHAPEL

NOT ME. That title may have been deceiving....my apologies. I did walk down the aisle a few days ago, but I was not the one wearing white. My very, very dear family friend Hillary and her man Atlee tied the knot, and I had the honor of being a bridesmaid. It was a great weekend filled with love, dancing, and drinking. The best kind of weekends, in my humble opinion. David was back home in St. Louis, so I was dateless; but it was still a gas. Hillary has always been like my big sister. Our dads were best friends in high school, and still have the cutest "bromance" I've ever seen. He's my brother's godfather, and their family has had an incredible influence in my life. They were an unbelievable support system when my anxiety was really bad, and I think that tough experience brought our families even closer than we were before. They truly are family. So it's been really cool to see Hillary marry such an awesome guy.

   Hillary and I bringin in the cash at our lemonade stand

 back in the day

Rehearsal dinner fun

Hillary's sister Melissa, my partner in crime, and her boyfriend Ryan. Three amigos

All the bridesmaids

Meliss and I

Niiiiiick 

The new Mr. & Mrs.

As soon as I got back from the wedding weekend, my new roommate Cate moved in. So happy she's here! My last roommate moved out a few months ago, and I've been flying solo since then. I like my alone time as much as the next person, but that was far too much of a good thing. Cate and I actually went to high school together, we both came to DePaul, but then drifted apart. We both sort of just got into different things and different groups of friends. We reconnected a while ago, and it has been really awesome to get close with her again. She introduced me to David, so I owe her big time. It's been pretty crazy around here figuring out the move, and then just putting our apartment back together. But it's coming along! I'll be posting an apartment tour on here in the next few days, as soon as this place looks semi presentable... ;)

Moving day-eve treats 

The new roomies paint: before

Painting after! 

Two girls and a Uhaul. Quite the terrifying experience.....

What a skyline

Cate and I high school style

Cate and I college style. Pretty cool